It's a Wonderful Life

Back in September, I received a Facebook message from Pn. Marini. In that message, she asked whether I am interested to join the team for Programming Contest National Level(ACM-ICPC al-khawarizmi) that will be held in UiTM Shah Alam. Without a moment of hesitation, I agreed and said I truly would like to join the competition. At that time, I feel like it is my chance to prove to myself that I can achieve something, even if it is a bit different from what I imagined. See, I believe that I am more inclined to Mathematics. So entering a programming competition is a bit out of place for me. At least, that is what I thought in the first place. But Pn. Marini convinced me that my knowledge in Math can definitely be valuable and essential to the team. With that one push from her, I took a step forward and set a new possibility for myself.

I have been writing this blog since 2008, and many things has changed since then. How I write and what I write are totally different now compared to back then. I haven't read my older posts for some time. Among all posts, there are some of my written past that I wanted to forget. Some posts that I wish I didn't write, and I truly wish to never see it again. But I rarely delete them, nor even make a big edit. I thought probably it best to just leave them the way they are. The biggest problem is, still, I am afraid to read them. I know how I was in the past. Not just in what I wrote, but also in my way of thinking, how I see things, things that I prioritized and my maturity. I'm not completely rejecting my past, I am just afraid: simple as that.

If you are reading this, then there is a high chance that you currently struggling to finish your assignments. Well this article might not help you right now and right away (too bad for you), but I promise it will prove to be useful the next time you procrastinate. This small guide written by yours truly is written for you guys who are still in early years of college especially. Why Do We Do Things On The Last Minute? So what do you need to know about procrastination? It usually happen when we think we can't achieve the perfection or target for the tasks that we set in our mind. For example, you have assignments due next week. You really, really want to complete your assignment perfectly: answer every questions, do a high class writing, getting the right answer on the hardest questions etc. But when you do the tasks, you think it is too hard or unreachable. So you decide to do it later. When you want to start on the tasks again, you feel like "there's nothing I could c...

Since I have new visitors reading my blog, I guess there is a need to tell you guys how much I love playing video games. If you think gaming is generally bad, then I hope at least you can read this post with an open mind. Just like other hobbies, gaming is one other way to spend our time. Here's a picture of my cat to make you go d'aaaawwwwww As I was writing this post, I realized that there are many things to talk about. So I will divide it into four(!) posts. The first one (this post) will be taking about the consoles that I owned and currently have. Second will talk about the important games  that I played. Third will be the current games I'm playing (and the one I'm looking forward too) and the last one would be the impact of me playing games. The first three might be kind of boring since I will talk mostly about myself, so at least please do read the last one. I am confident in my abilities to give comments and opinions *proud* I will also try my best t...

"It's such a waste!" "You should have stayed there." "Don't you think you wasted your time there?" Those are some of the reactions that I got whenever I told someone about my past before entering UKM. Yes, sometimes I do feel like I wasted my three years in the US, especially when I only need to go through one more year before graduating. Their responses are understandable. I don't blame them for their reactions; I should've expected them. But sometimes their responses caught me off guard, and  for a moment, they made me question my reason for being here. "Did I make the wrong choice?" crossed my mind sometimes. Still, I keep telling myself to "don't mind those negative thoughts from others". I'm pretty sure they are not being mean, but just speaking up what first came to their mind. I already told myself time and time again to always be positive, and just do what I have to do. Right now, I am already in th...

Just now I was chatting with my friend, and at one point I said to her something like "Since I left MRSM, I don't really have any best friend who is a girl" "Owh but there is one person I still consider her my best friend, but she is still in the US" "and she already has a boyfriend too haha" Then all the memories start to come back. So this little post is dedicated to you.

After intentionally abandoning my blog for around 6 weeks, I think it's about time I write something about what is currently happening in my life. Since the last time I updated, I haven't done anything much. I met some of my friends, and mostly spent my time with my families and explaining to every single one of them about "why" am I not returning to the States. Most of the them accept the fact easily and told me to be strong, work hard in the future and don't make the same mistake (which usually just simplified to "don't play games too much")

On the first day of Tarawikh, I met my senior from UW-Madison who already graduated. We didn't had a chance to talk about anything since the prayer almost started, but I did make up a scenario of what we are going to talk. So the scenario that I imagined depressed me somehow. Accepting the fact that I need to go through three more years studying is a bit harder than I thought, especially thinking that some of friends already graduated, some already have a job, and most of my friends from INTEC are graduating next year. By that time, I will need two more years. This is something that I already prepared, but to go through it is harder than I thought. Anyway there's no reason to keep depressed, it won't change anything =) Probably I am over-thinking stuffs since I am not doing anything currently.

If there's one thing that will make me wish I could die right now, it would be my debts. With a friend, with my parents, and with MARA. I will write a will so that my life insurance (if there's any) will first be used to pay all that. I'll probably plan a suicide that will look like accident. It's hard to do it though with my current knowledge, but there are a lot of inspiration I can get from.

Edited July 8th 5:58 AM When we are bored, usually there are only two basic things you can do: find something to do or make a post/status/tweet about how bored you are. But again, these two are not mutually exclusive. You can say that you are bored, in the same time show that you are trying to get out of the boredom. Don't do it like "I'm boreeeed. What to do", probably we can try something like "If anyone is free today let me know! We can hangout or something". Usually there are a lot of our friends out there who also got nothing to do, so try to invite them. If they are not free at the moment, at least you know that you can invite them in the future. In my case, I prefer to go out instead of playing games all day long. I don't mind playing games, but at the end of the day I just want to be secluded and no one is allowed to talk to me. I will start ignoring others and want my own space. In my family, I'm the only one who play games, so there...

After a long travel back to Malaysia, I finally arrived at my house around 5:30 AM, July 3rd. Then on the same day, my mother and I drove to Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) to meet with a professor (who is also the Timbalan Dekan). Upon meeting him, he asked about what happened.  What surprised my mom is how nice he was (somehow living in the US made me expect everyone to be nice like that haha). He didn't ask too many questions, and he is being very simple and direct. Then he told us on the documents that I need to give him, and that's about it. He also said that the chances of me getting into UKM are okay, and he will help in any way possible. 

I am not proud that I am going back to Malaysia. Everyone else go back because they have achieved what they have to do here: to graduate. Me? I'm going back because I don't think I am capable of continuing. It was so hard to decide. Really, really hard. To go on with just one year left with a little hope of doing it, or turn back and change the path, but longer. There are no right or wrong, just choices.

After I decided to go back to Malaysia, I have been thinking a lot. Like, how my attitude should be: Sad? Be positive? Just concentrate on what is in front? Forget? Act normal like nothing happened? Be truthful to my families and friends? Just hide it? It is hard to find the sweet spot for what should I do. Too positive, then I might not have a feeling of regret. Too sad, and I won't be able to focus on my future.  I don't particularly care what others think of me, especially if they are wrong. But, if my families and friends have something to say, that is true about myself, then I'll try my best to listen. I have a very big ego, so taking it to the heart for the first time will be hard. Reminding myself constantly will be one of the way, and something that I rarely done before. I'm not afraid of what others talk behind me, because most of them are wrong and biased. But I kind of afraid with what people going to say in front of me, because when they are prepared to b...

With a lot of things to do before going back, I guess writing a few things about games wouldn't hurt. Nowadays it's hard to find games that have minimal gameplay but heavy-handed on the story. Games like Phoenix Wright, Professor Layton, Ghost Trick, and 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors are hard to come by lately. The funny thing is that all these games are for Nintendo DS. People really can do amazing things within a limited space and option. In this case, it's the limitation on a hardware that is considered the weakest on its generation (compares to PSP, PS3, 360 and Wii). Games like this one are hard to come by lately. I like these games because I can dive into the world, and the feeling of anticipating on what happen next is thrilling. It's like reading a good novel, you can't wait to find out when your questions will be answered. Then you'll solve puzzles and riddles in order to move forward with the story. The memories are unforgettable. The only downsid...

When you messed up on a path you took, you can either turn back and choose another or force through the obstacle and keep moving forward. In my case, I choose to step back and start over. But it's not hard to do so. It is as hard as going forward, if not harder. To turn back and start over, is it the same as running away? To be honest, I don't know the answer. I have this feeling that I am running away, but in the same time, I am not. Why didn't I just be stronger and keep going? Why did I choose to go back to Malaysia? I know that trials are meant to be overcome so that we will become a better person, not to hinder us from getting what we want. But...it is not easy to do that. I may be a loser, as I choose to go back instead of continuing when I have only one year before graduation. I choose to go back not to start over actually, but to continue where I left. I want to pursue what I really want, which is Mathematics. I do not hate Actuarial Science, but I do not enjoy ...

I'm glad that I am taking Asian American Movement class as my last class. I can feel like it is a fate. Everything that I learned in this class up to this day feels like was meant to be, and what I needed the most. From learning about racial identity and racism, learning taiji quan and chan quan movements, the zazen practice and medication, to creating a dance movement with my partner, there is nothing I learned that feel like a waste. Even though it was only a three-week class (and just finished with week two), I believe that this is the most meaningful class I had ever take here in UW. I hope that all those things that I learn will be integrated in my life so that I can improve and will not repeat the same mistake. After talking to my professor just now, I feel more enlighten and fresh. I have something I need to tell my friend here in Madison, and I'll do it when the time comes.

Two nights to spend at the library before the last day of finals. Still got two finals left (one exam on each day), and man I am scared. Might be the last time I will be spending time at the library here in UW. Hope everything will go well... After that, I will leave everything to fate. Just enrolled for two summer classes. It will start after Midwest Games at UIUC. I am scared. Really scared. Worried.

When I stopped playing a certain games, the only thing that reminds me of how awesome the game is is the soundtracks. It is even better if the game has great soundtrack, awesome gameplay and engaging storyline. Two recent games that I've played on my DS that fit these criteria are Radiant Historia and 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors. Radiant Historia is a Japanese RPG, and the game delivers a homage to classic JRPGs. I can't stress this high enough, but it is an awesome game. Everything that it delivers is great, and this is only a DS game we're talking about. A story that keeps you wanting to know more, a battle system that is improved from the classic battle system, memorable and melancholic soundtracks provided by the composer of Kingdom Hearts series, and a twist to the story-telling mechanic that reminds you of Chrono Trigger. A bonus for me is that this game is published by one of my most favorite company, Atlus. 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors (999) is abou...

I have always been thinking about becoming a teacher. The most ideal would be if I will teach both Modern Mathematics and Additional Mathematics, advisor + coach for volleyball club, and assigned to teach in MRSM TGB. That's my dream :) If I am going to be interviewed (which I'm sure I will), I want to tell that some of my inspirations came from reading manga about teachers. Is it absurd? I don't think so. I believe almost anything in this world can inspire you, just like how the mangas like Great Teacher Onizuka inspired me more to become a teacher. If the interviewer think that is funny, then I will tell them that that's what I am going to teach to my students: to go chase your dream no matter what other people tell you even if it is absurd or unconventional. My goal is set on what I want to become. The only problem is the path. But a future teacher shouldn't give up before telling his student to "never give up". Even if I fall right now, I will m...

- Magi - Prunus Girl - Musunde Hiraite - Tasogare Otome x Amnesia - Bonnouji - Sankarea - Nisekoi

This week is extremely tight with exams. Just finished two exams, and two more to go. One on Wednesday, and another one is the day after. Will I ever make it through, I don't know about that. But I know I won't go anywhere if I don't do anything (studying). So good luck to myself! Never say die before you try! :D I know I'm terrible when it comes to relationship, especially on making decisions. No matter how much I care for you, I don't see you appreciating what I did. I am not a saint, I cannot be patience for so long. I want to be your strength to keep you moving on, but I guess you never asked for me to be for you. Well I'm okay with it. I still care for you, no matter what. But I decided to never show it again, unless there are some revelations. There are a lot of things left untold that I really wish I can tell you, but there's no way I can do that for now. The truths are better kept with me in the mean time. I guess I will be searching, and searchi...

Let say you play a Pokemon game where you can only choose one type of Pokemon that only has one move. Pretend that the Pokemon is Charizard with Flamethrower. Now, you are at a crossroad where the path expands into three more path, and each path has a boss at the end. One with weakness of grass, one with weakness of water, and the last one is weakness with fire. Obviously, the last path will be the easiest, and you can finish the game easily, because it is suited to your ability. But let say the you choose the other paths, and you just can't win because the path is not meant for you. Even if you get to the last boss, that boss is just overwhelming that there's nothing you can do. You messed up because you just saved before the boss fight, and you need to start a new game just because the game don't allow multiple saves. Most gamers will just give up, losing interest in the game. Only a few who want to see the ending/what happens next will start a new game and go through e...

It's only a week of holidays, without any plan or whatsoever. Until now, most of what I've done was decided on impulse. We just had a BBQ picnic just now, and tomorrow we are going to Chicago for some shopping. There are a few people that I missed so badly. I want to meet them so much :(

Lately I have been reading randon mangas (Japanese comics) at Mangareader.net. Then I stumbled upon this one short high school romance manga. It's about a boy who in love with a girl, and his friend who is a girl helped them to get together. Yeah it's just a scene that you have seen a lot. Then comes jealousy, cheating, and indecisiveness, that usual stuffs, until on the last two chapters where it got pretty...twisted. It's crazy, believe me. If you have the time, go read it. The link is provided below. It only has 12 chapters, so you will probably finish reading in about an hour. School Days Tell me what you think when you are done reading it.

My body is not as fit as it used to be, especially when comparing my stamina now and before. Ever since I finished high school, I never jog or do any long-distance activity. Just now, I went to the SERF and jog, but I couldn't last long :( But doesn't mean I want to give up. I don't have any particular reasons for doing cardio training, except for losing weight. By the way I just saw my friend's latest picture at Facebook, and my God how he has...grown. Remind me to not increase my weight any further. There are two things that I constantly do (well, almost constantly): weight training and swimming. Weight training is specifically for volleyball, and swimming is just for fun. But swimming with my friends does has its good points. One of them is it motivates me to do more muscle training in order to swim faster, and also increase my stamina to swim longer. Volleyball is not that tiring compared to other sports (it's rare to be overly sweaty, especially when we usual...

Song: Wiosna - Theme of Katawa Shoujo Being a very critical person and opinionated on someone else's love life, I used to hate when other people are in a relationship. The reason can be summed up to this: I used to think that those relationships won't get anywhere (or to marriage, specifically). I was so against couples that don't seem like taking their relationship seriously. One of my friend said to me that being in relationship is not really meant to be considered seriously into getting married. I think he's implying that couple is just couple, it is a separate case and does not intersect with marriage (but he said that like three years ago). One question that lingers in my mind is "Then for what reasons do we be in relationship?" Not trying to be philosophical or critical, I changed my mindset a little. I used to hate couples because I don't believe those relationship will last (in some point I wish they will break up as soon as possible), but I ha...

I never played any galge, or dating sims, in my whole life (the closest is Persona 3 & 4 Social Link system). Then I heard about this one game called Katawa Shoujo. Looks like it will be in my emotionally engaging games list, so I decided to give it a try. It's free to download anyway, so why the heck not. #nothingbigtopost

Title: Shin Megami Tensei Devil Survivor 2 Release: February 28 2012 Developer/Publisher: Atlus Following the success of the original 2009 release Shin Megami Tensei Devil Survivor, Atlus released the sequel for the DS. Even though it has the "2" on its name, there are no direct relation between the two titles in term of the storyline. The same battle system and demon collection make a return, and I'm happy to say that it is as addictive as ever. About The Game Without giving any spoilers, this is the gist of the story: You, the protagonist, are just a normal high school student just finished with the mock exam. Everything starts when you, the protagonist, and your friends cheated death, with the help of demons, after looking at a site that showed how you will die. Earthquake hits Japan, every building falls down, radios and phones do not work, and deaths are everywhere. Now you need to find out the cause of the disaster, and in the same time, struggle to surv...

#airi #airiban #devilsurvivor2

When I first bought the Nintendo DS, I never thought it will be a platform filled with JRPGs. Unlike the PS2 era, where JRPG was abundant on the console, JRPG genre seems to be a sleeper and largely ignored by the console players as WRPG (like Mass Effect and Elder Scroll) and shooters (like Call of Duty and Battlefield) took the spotlight. This article serves to give mention to those sleeper JRPGs, and for now I will concentrate on the DS only. Final Fantasy XII Revenant Wings (Think & Feel, Square Enix, 2007) Sequel to the Final Fantasy XII, and rather than calling it an RPG, it gameplay is more RTS-like. The system simple enough for everyone to enjoy, though the game itself may be hard at some point. Nevertheless, there is no reason not to play this game. Vaan took the spotlight in this game, lucky him! Final Fantasy IV (Matrix Software, Square Enix, 2008) This game has been re-released so many times, and there's a reason for it. It might be considered as one of th...

I started to feel the joy of being able to study again. Just a two and a half month before this semester ends, and though my intuition is saying otherwise, I still want to do my best. Study, and study. Feel the joy of being able to receive knowledge. Throw away the thoughts of "not having fun because studying for exams". Life is full of opportunity if you search for it, and even college dropouts can do better than graduate students if they try. Believe in your own future, and work hard for it.

That one day, I was alone in my house (this is in Malaysia). My house is a two-storey house, and I stayed upstairs for the whole time. Then I heard a lot of weird sounds and noises.  Somehow I braced myself to go downstairs to...take a knife. Then I placed it under a sofa, in any case a burglar/thief/monster appeared. Man I am crazy. That's what I get for reading too much Hajime Kindaichi and Detective Conan. Thank you 9gag for letting me know that I am not the only one T_T Source here Owh yeah, the next day, my maid found the knife and took it downstairs. She must be wondering how did it get there, until today.

Two midterms this week, and two midterms next week. Still bearable, no problem. Study like there is no tomorrow! Library will be my house for these two weeks. I too shall stop playing games for this two weeks. I need to be strict with myself.

Title I still suck at giving a good title on something. Giving name to something, making a nickname, coming up with a unique online ID, I suck at those too. Creativity is not my strong point T_T Volleyball Trying to increase my arm strength, I went to the SERF last Wednesday, doing some weight training with my friends. It was not my intention at first, but seeing them going to the gym are getting me excited. The day after, my arms got really hurt, and it's hard to even scratch my back where it itch. On the same day, my friend suddenly asked to go swimming together. Knowing that my arms are tired, I still went for swimming. This was at 6-7:40pm. Then later that night, me and my two other friends went to Natatorium (another gym located further away) for a volleyball game, organized by the Muslim Student Association. The first three times serving the ball, I failed very hard. The ball hit was not even powerful, and it went outside the court :( I was utterly disappointed with m...

Changing the blog's title I hope this one is final. Somehow I wanted to make the title to be something extraordinary, but I guess simpler is better. It also fits my blog is perfectly. I like Memento Mori in my blog's URL by the way. The phrase  means "Remember your mortality", "Remember you must die", or "Remember you will die". I first learned about the phrase when playing Persona 3. Well not really during the gameplay, because the only time the phrase was available is during the opening clip. Try to see whether you can find the phrase or not :) Persona 3 is the game where I has a lot of emotional connections toward it. The characters, the setting, the places, and even the musics, I like them all. This game has achieved a place in my heart where it will remains for many, many years. Exercises Though not exactly overweight, my weight definitely increased a lot since I left my high school, and it keeps on increasing until my first year at U...

You know about those personality test quizzes that are lying around all over the internet and magazines? I'm pretty sure you did the personality test at least once. Owh I did a lot of them back in the days, until one day I just stopped because there are just abundant especially in Facebook (I just love to hate what people love XD) Well normally people try it just out of their curiosity. The problem starts with when you feel the results are very spot on with your personality. Then you'll try again, and the results are mostly correct with what your personality are. Right now it's "the result describes my personality very correctly". After a while, you'll take it again. At some point, some people start to believe almost everything the result has to say. So when some of the quizzes says something about you that you never thought before, you will start to believe the result. Like you never thought about what you would do when people are making you mad, and the ...

There are a lot of people that I want to apologize to, but right now, the only one that I want to ask for forgiveness is...my own body. To my brain, I am sorry that I didn't fully utilize you like I always do. Solving math problems back in the day was really fun, but right now, somehow, I loathe doing them. Reflexes and quick thinking shouldn't only be used by playing games. To my stomach, I am sorry that I am eating too much and making you bigger. I am also sorry for the lack of training to like sit-ups to make you stronger. To my legs, I am sorry that I am not a long-distance runner anymore. I was active back in high school, entering a lot of long-distance marathon and also won a lot. You and I did went to Mount Kinabalu and reached the top. I am sure we can't do that again if we would to try right now :( To my whole body, I am sorry that I always sleep late at night and also woke up late in the morning. You guys deserve to get your rest on time and get up earlier...

Remember the time when your friends celebrated your birthday? Yeah, me neither (forever alone FTW). Yes, today is my birthday (or yesterday, depending on where you live) and I am totally aware of it. Do I expect anything from my birthday? Of course! It wouldn't hurt to expect something, right? Right?? Haha anyway I don't really care about surprises or presents, I am perfectly fine with not celebrating it. Maybe I can buy some ice-cream for myself, eat a lot tonight and stay up playing MW3 with my BFFs (again, forever alone FTW). I guess I am getting old, to the point where I don't really care about my own birthday that much. Even last year, I celebrated my birthday alone haha. If you have a Facebook account, then you must have received a lot of birthday wishes from your friends, and "friends". When these "friends" post their wishes on my wall, I was like "er who are you again?". Then I went to their profile, in hope to discover two things: ...

Just got my copy of Final Fantasy XIII-2 from Gamestop! I also bought the Strategy Guide (Collector's Edition) with it, since I got my refund from the price drop of Resident Evil Revelations (It's $40 now). They have discounts if you buy a guide with the respective game and another discount if you have the Pro Membership card. I'm a happy person right now...How long has it been since the last time I played a good JRPG? That's why this game makes me really excited. I just started playing it, and there are a few things that caught my attentions: 1. They provide a Beginner's Primer, a summary for what happened during Final Fantasy XIII (divided by chapters). It's a nice addition for people who never played the original, and also for myself since the story doesn't really make any sense back when I played it. 2. This might be the first time a Final Fantasy game has a difficulty setting (I might be wrong though), although only Easy and Normal modes are ava...

Original post  here I have seen a lot of people playing like this (boys and girls), but I think it's especially fun seeing the girls doing it. I mean, they look cute when they do that haha. I did this a lot too during my first few years playing games, especially when playing racing games. Truth be told, I still have this habit, but in a kind of different form: I throw the controller to the floor when I get mad. On a side note, I have been using my PS3 controllers for more than two years now, and still work perfectly fine. Either the quality of the controllers are very high or I am just too awesome. Anyway, I think girls who play games that boys play are really awesome. I don't really have the scientific explanations for this, but I think it's because: 1) It's rare to see girls play games besides Angry Bird (or some other games in their iPhone) and Facebook games (I'm looking at you, The Sims Social). 2) The appreciation when girls have the same interest as us...