Skip to main content

To Change Is...

After I decided to go back to Malaysia, I have been thinking a lot. Like, how my attitude should be: Sad? Be positive? Just concentrate on what is in front? Forget? Act normal like nothing happened? Be truthful to my families and friends? Just hide it? It is hard to find the sweet spot for what should I do. Too positive, then I might not have a feeling of regret. Too sad, and I won't be able to focus on my future. 

I don't particularly care what others think of me, especially if they are wrong. But, if my families and friends have something to say, that is true about myself, then I'll try my best to listen. I have a very big ego, so taking it to the heart for the first time will be hard. Reminding myself constantly will be one of the way, and something that I rarely done before. I'm not afraid of what others talk behind me, because most of them are wrong and biased. But I kind of afraid with what people going to say in front of me, because when they are prepared to be direct, that means it is likely to be true. Nevertheless, I am thankful for these people to be around me. 

Blaming others won't help either. It is hard to accept that everything that happened is my own fault. Just like what a guilty people would do, I tend to shift the blame to something else. Something that is not my fault, but it is not your or anyone's fault either. That way, I won't feel bad about myself, and I won't feel bad because I don't make you feel bad. Accepting my own fault is not something that can be done with a small conviction. Even when my heart knows and accept it, it won't come out from my mouth so easily. 

I know the reason why I never change. Knowing that being too sad is bad for myself, I never let myself to cry or be sad for a long time (except for only one reason/person). I'm just too positive. I know how to control my sadness, and think rationally on what to do next (again, except for emotional attachments). Not always to solve it, but on how to remove it. You can say I ran away from my problems a lot, until one day when it was big enough that I started to tell them to my mother. I am thankful that I still have my mom, and without her, I may not exist in this world anymore by now.

I want to change, but to be honest I don't know how or what changes should I make. After asking directly to a friend of mine, I still didn't get the answer, but he said "make a small change, little by little, and be constant". It's better than to make a sudden change, but won't last for even a short time. 

The goal is to be able to do that thing without giving effort (sincerity), but in order to achieve that, efforts and hard works are needed (constant). 

Popular posts from this blog

New College Life In UKM

After intentionally abandoning my blog for around 6 weeks, I think it's about time I write something about what is currently happening in my life.

Since the last time I updated, I haven't done anything much. I met some of my friends, and mostly spent my time with my families and explaining to every single one of them about "why" am I not returning to the States. Most of the them accept the fact easily and told me to be strong, work hard in the future and don't make the same mistake (which usually just simplified to "don't play games too much")

Because of What Someone Said

So a few days ago, I visited Borders Bookstore in IOI City Mall to get a book for a friend of mine. Incidentally, it is also my favorite bookstore, due to its quite nice selection of books and its location from my house. Anyway, the book that I wanted to buy was The End of Average by Todd Rose. I already finished that book (I want to write about it as well later), so I recommended it to my friend and she asked me to buy one for her. I had an exam on the day after but as far as I'm concerned, reading is more important than any exams that I will most likely forgot in a few weeks.

Also, each time I visit a bookstore, I will always walk out the store with at least one book. So, besides the book that I intended to buy, I bought two other books because I found it interesting. I know, it is a truly 'good' idea to buy two books when you have an exam tomorrow. In this post, I want to talk about the reason why I picked up one of the books.

The Master Algorithm, written by Pedro Domi…

ADD

Finally, I reached Disc 2 in FFVIII. Still on the way to rescue Squall from the torture room. Speaking of Squall, remember the time where he was stabbed by icicle spear from Edea? There's an interesting theory where Squall was already dead at that time (Aerith died after being stabbed by Sephiroth's Masamune once, too). Everything that happened after that was, you guess it, just a dream. Click here if you want to read the full theory.

EDIT: One theory also states that Square had some other plan for Aerith. Here's the link.

Let say this theory is true. During the start of Disc 2, we were brought to the dream of Laguna. So it is a dream, inside a dream. Looks like Square had done it way before Christopher Nolan's Inception!

.........

*ehem* anyway, most fan's theory are awesome to read. But no one can truly justify and give best explaination on where the hell do Necron in Final Fantasy IX came from. There were no hints or whatsoever about him, and suddenly he appeare…