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What Positive Attitudes Can Change

"It's such a waste!"
"You should have stayed there."
"Don't you think you wasted your time there?"

Those are some of the reactions that I got whenever I told someone about my past before entering UKM. Yes, sometimes I do feel like I wasted my three years in the US, especially when I only need to go through one more year before graduating. Their responses are understandable. I don't blame them for their reactions; I should've expected them. But sometimes their responses caught me off guard, and  for a moment, they made me question my reason for being here. "Did I make the wrong choice?" crossed my mind sometimes.

Still, I keep telling myself to "don't mind those negative thoughts from others". I'm pretty sure they are not being mean, but just speaking up what first came to their mind. I already told myself time and time again to always be positive, and just do what I have to do. Right now, I am already in the middle of my first semester (one week of holiday starts today!), so I suppose there are a lot that I want to tell.

The first thing that everyone usually ask is "how's your studies in UKM?". Then I'll talk about the people here (friends and lecturers). The last one will be about my achievements (or at least what I think is an achievement).

It is no surprise that most people want to know about my current academic state here in UKM. Well, those people are usually my families, and I really appreciate their concern. But I can only say "I'm doing good!" or "I really like UKM!". Yes, I am not lying, but I am not going to tell everything. I don't know what I should tell them. "I really like to be active in class" "I always volunteer for something" or something like that? In the end, the best answer for them is when I got good results or CGPAs, so I will keep on telling the same thing until I receive my semester results. But no worries, so far I am doing excellently in the subjects (alhamdulillah) since I already took most of the course back in INTEC or in University of Wisconsin-Madison (UW). It is just a matter of recalling and doing exercises, insyaAllah.

Like always, I prefer to stay out of trouble from other people. So most of the time, I like to just stay in my room. I don't have a roommate until today, so staying in my room makes me feel calm. But when I'm in class or any gathering, I never forget to take my chance to talk with other. In short, I choose when or where do I need to be socializing or isolating myself. I try to balance both. Let's talk about my life in the college first.

About a month ago, I went to Terengganu with my fellow friends from Kolej Amin. I enjoyed my moments there, and I got my chance to snorkeling, which is something that I would die for to get the chance. Owh, since the orientation, some of my friends still call me Penghulu. At least they remember, so I try my best to give a short and meaningful response. Usually in evening, I play table tennis with a few others if I feel like it. Not too shabby for a life in a college. Also, I participated in some of the sports event, representing my college in Basketball and Volleyball. Not that we won anything major though hoho. Okay this is a bit boring. Let's move on to what happened in class.

The first day in class, after the first class ended, I announced the Facebook group for my class, and shamelessly asked them to add me on Facebook (hahaha). I think that is one of the reasons my classmates remember me. Well, besides the fact that the words that I studied in US got around the class. I forgot what did I post in the group, but a few people started to ask me on how to do the tutorials for calculus. It was hard explaining the solutions to you guys, but I had fun nonetheless. Being able to make you understand is probably one of the top things that make me happy. In class, I usually have no problems presenting in front of a large crowd. Sometimes I tried my best to hide my fear too. Trying my best in every class is also part of the fun too.

Before I continue, allow me to talk about my oath before coming to UKM. I promised myself to always do my best so that I won't repeat my mistakes that I did back in US. Be active, be more assertive, don't be unnecessarily shy, talk to people and stay out of trouble are some of them. I also pledge to not allow my friends to make the mistake that I did, and to bring the best out of their abilities. 

For the last two, I know it is a very hard one, and I'm not even sure how can I achieve it. I do want my friends to make the best out of their life here in UKM. I missed my chance to perform and be more than just an A-grade student back in the US. Three years in US and I didn't develop any skills that would be useful for my future. Maybe there are some that I don't realize. But now that I am given this chance to shine once more and do things properly, I want my friends to feel the same too. We won't get the same chances when we start working. It is just not the same. What I am scared the most is when people say they regret they don't spend their time in college to sharpen their soft skills and be more active in many things. We usually don't see this until we realized how important it is to have more than just an excellent results. I missed my chance once, so I don't want you guys to miss it the first time around like I did. One day, I hope I can get this message across, especially to my friends in Kolej Amin and PPSM. If you are of the mentioned group, please do spread what I am trying to tell here.

So far, I have been keeping positive attitudes towards other people (but I believe I did make some people upset). My friend's mom, a lecturer in UKM, invited me to join a programming contest, representing UKM. I couldn't be happier, as I have this dream of becoming a video game designer someday. When I talked to her, she said that she invited me because she sees me enjoying life in UKM. See? Positive attitudes make others have more positive thought towards us too :) Next week, I will be going to Hatyai, Thailand for ACM-ICPC. Do pray for us!

Different from some of my colleagues, for the lecturers whom I talked to about my past, they gave me words of encouragement, tell me to keep on being positive and move on from my past. They make this little heart happy and inspiring me to do what I do best.

There are a lot of things that I want to go deeper to discuss, but for now, this post will be sufficient. I will try to keep updating regularly, and have more concrete and meaningful things to talk about. I would like to give my thanks to a special person for inspiring me to start writing blogs again. You know who you are :) Thank you for saying that I am caring. I couldn't be more happier by your words.


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Finally, I reached Disc 2 in FFVIII. Still on the way to rescue Squall from the torture room. Speaking of Squall, remember the time where he was stabbed by icicle spear from Edea? There's an interesting theory where Squall was already dead at that time (Aerith died after being stabbed by Sephiroth's Masamune once, too). Everything that happened after that was, you guess it, just a dream. Click here if you want to read the full theory.

EDIT: One theory also states that Square had some other plan for Aerith. Here's the link.

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