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Of Divergence and Curl

This semester, I am working part-time as a tutor in Calculus II. This is our second last week before study week and exam weeks, but it is only now that I realized my own goal and strength.

Usually, we just need to discuss the tutorial questions that are given by the lecturer. So I need to take a look at the questions first, solve them and explain to class on how to solve them. This is where the first source of my boredom and decreased self-worth came from. The way the tutorial is handled is boring and tiring.

Well first, I need to take some time to look at the question and write down the whole damn solutions for all questions. Usually I get help from the other tutor, Syukor, to provide me with the solutions since he is far more hardworking than I am. But as weeks go on, it gets truly exhausting and uninteresting. Look at the questions, prepare the answer, and explain to the students. My job became a chore, and I don't feel the satisfaction of doing it. I don't feel like I'…
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Being Different Is Lonely

From our ages, I know that I am different from most of my classmates. Naturally, most of them are three years younger than me, but that is not the problem. In fact, I had the most fun surrounded by them. They don't treat me differently just because I'm older. I think I am blessed with the fact that there are others who are older than the average (those who were born in 1993) in the batch.
I think I am not as matured as someone of my age should. But then again, there's no guideline on how matured a person should be or how you to be a mature person. Though my guidelines are basically these two: when you can prioritize and you can be responsible towards your actions. I don't know if I have these two qualities, but I know I am working towards it, slowly but surely.
Anyway, being older doesn't make me automatically different from the others. But there are certain things that make me feel.. different, and sometimes isolated. Like at this moment of writing, I am overwhelm…

Phone Strap

I am just a normal human.
I scrolled through my gallery.
In it, I found our history together.
Pieces of us, lost in stubbornness.

The place we've visited.
The time we spent together.
The memories we built.
The smile that we share.

I thought I can let it go easily.
But I know, we humans do not forget.
No matter how much we try to ignore.
The memories always sit somewhere in our mind.

We will learn from our mistake.
We will take a step forward and move on.
But just for this once
It is alright for me to tell you

That I miss you.

Because of What Someone Said

So a few days ago, I visited Borders Bookstore in IOI City Mall to get a book for a friend of mine. Incidentally, it is also my favorite bookstore, due to its quite nice selection of books and its location from my house. Anyway, the book that I wanted to buy was The End of Average by Todd Rose. I already finished that book (I want to write about it as well later), so I recommended it to my friend and she asked me to buy one for her. I had an exam on the day after but as far as I'm concerned, reading is more important than any exams that I will most likely forgot in a few weeks.

Also, each time I visit a bookstore, I will always walk out the store with at least one book. So, besides the book that I intended to buy, I bought two other books because I found it interesting. I know, it is a truly 'good' idea to buy two books when you have an exam tomorrow. In this post, I want to talk about the reason why I picked up one of the books.

The Master Algorithm, written by Pedro Domi…

We Probably Know Nothing

Everyday we make choices, no matter how small. Sometimes we make conscious choices, sometimes we let our automatic system decide things for us. But there will be times where we are forced to make big decisions. Unless we can peer into the alternate universe, we will never know the consequences of our other choice. Therefore, we will never know if our choice is the best one or not. But that is part of being a human: we live with the consequences of our decision. 
Of course, I made a lot bad choices (but how do I know it is bad?) in my life. Sometimes I regretted it, many times I just move along, without knowing it is the preferable outcome or not. 
To all affected by my decision, I will pray for your success and happiness in your life and life hereafter. Your happiness might not directly translated into my happiness, but it is better than keep being miserable. Surely, everyone deserves to be happy, no matter how much of a sinner we are. But our choices and actions will determine whethe…

Choices and Acceptance

We all make choices everyday, and that's what makes us human. Sometimes we make choices consciously (which major to pursue, who do we want to choose for our partner) and sometimes we just unknowingly make decision (we choose the nearest food, suddenly falling in love). I don't know if animals make conscious decision though, but that is for another day.

So today I just met my mentor from my degree years, Dr Sakhinah. I'm truly happy that even after I have graduated, it is easy for me to talk to her and she is always willing to listen and give her opinions on my troubles. I have hard choices on a few things right now, so listening to her opinion make it easier for me to believe in my choices. She even praised me for my ability to make choices, instead of just running away (though I have been running away up until now, I know I shouldn't drag it anymore).

I have a friend who is currently having a hard time deciding whether he wants to quit his degree or not. Every semeste…

All We Know - The Chainsmoker ft. Phoebe Ryan

Fighting flames of fire
Hang onto burning wires
We don't care anymore
Are we fading lovers?
We keep wasting colors
Maybe we should let this go

We're falling apart, still we hold together
We've passed the end, so we chase forever
'Cause this is all we know
This feeling's all we know
I'll ride my bike up to the road
Down the streets right through the city
I'll go everywhere you go
From Chicago to the coast
You tell me, "Hit this and let's go
Blow the smoke right through the window"
'Cause this is all we know

'Cause this is all we know
'Cause this is all we know

Never face each other
One bed different covers
We don't care anymore
Two hearts still beating
On with different rhythms
Maybe we should let this go

We're falling apart, still we hold together
We've passed the end, so we chase forever
'Cause this is all we know
This feeling's all we know
I'll ride my bike up to the road
Down the streets right through the city
I'll go everywhere y…