Total Pageviews

Tuesday, September 6, 2016

Going Back & Quit

Since the last time I wrote something on a blog, I think I have not changed that much, but I talked less about my problems. Is this a normal thing for an adult? To hide away all your pain and sadness, because we are an "adult" so we need to put up a strong appearance. Of course, it is nothing like when I was a few years younger, where I can easily open up to others to share my problems. I mean, I still can share my worries now, but there are a few things that I need to consider.

The first thing is to consider the feelings of the listener. Of course, they have their share of their problems, so we don't want to add their burden with our problems. Whether it is about work, relationship, finance or time, we all have something that make us feel less whole.

Then we need to consider our own ego and face. There's no telling what the other person might think of us if we show our weaknesses to them, so it is better to just wear a strong mask to cover up our inability to cope with our problems.

Anyway, it seems right now I am at a moment where I am deciding whether or not to quit something. For both options, there are many considerations, and also many pros and cons, so it is not something that can be easily decided. Or maybe because the choice of both is balanced, I shouldn't take a lot of time deciding it. But there are some walls making it hard for me to decide, unless if I can be a bit heartless and have never-look-back attitude.

I'll write the full story later.

Friday, August 28, 2015

Heart-Shaped Glass

As I'm getting older, I guess I am getting more tolerant with people's bad attitude. Rather than focusing on being negative and keep on feeling disappointed, let's just move on, forget it and have fun. Being positive and think positively will always help, even if I know how hard it is actually to do that. But better than spending most of our time feeling mad, sad and bad.

One thing worth of note is that usually the other party don't feel as bad as we are. Have a look at their life, they are still happy after making us feeling disappointed. While we are still pondering on "why", they just obliviously go on like everything is normal. Saying sorry may close the hole, but it won't stop the bleeding. But it won't be up to them to stop the bleeding.

The least I can do is to vent some of it.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

New Blog

Hello dear readers (if you still exist somehow),

I'll be writing for more specific topics (namely reading, teaching and gaming) in my new blog. You can visit it at this link. Click it!

I have many things that I want to write and share, but Facebook doesn't seem to be fulfilling that need of mine. So please be sure to expect frequent update on my new blog! I won't abandon this blog, but I can't say if I still will write here as frequent as the new one.

Please do visit my new blog! Thank you :)

Wednesday, July 29, 2015

Current Update With Life

Suddenly I got the urge to write again.

I don't know if anyone still visit my blog anymore, but it doesn't hurt to still keep on writing. Okay, so for an update on what am I currently doing.

As of now, there are three major things happening in my life:

1. Internship/Practical at Universiti Putra Malaysia (UPM)
As of my university's terms (Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia, UKM), we need to complete a ten-week internship in order to graduate. So here I am, writing a blog post at my desk in UPM. Now I am at the middle of the fifth week, so around four and a half week left.

Our tasks here depend on our supervisor. One of my friends is doing on phone lock system, another one is doing numerical method, and another one is helping her supervisor's research. As for me, I think mine is a bit unique. After seeing my resume, my supervisor decided to help me add my experience in teaching programming. I have been teaching, or least facilitating, in Mathematical Olympiads for a while now. But for C++, I only held a class and a tutor. So my supervisor gave me the task of promoting my service to schools, doing my own modules, and writing letters on my own. Not exactly what I had in mind before I started my internship, but I am happy with the openness of my supervisor. This task will relate to my future in so many ways. I'll explain after this.

For now, only two schools responded. I hope I can finish this before my internship ends.  

2. Applying for Masters in Computer Science.

That's right, Computer Science. I made a jump again (last time was from Actuarial Science to Mathematics) in my education path. "But why? I thought you love Mathematics??" I heard you ask. Allow me to explain.

i. Firstly, I love Mathematics. Always had, always will. But I think I want to take a break from Mathematics for a while, at least from becoming the major thing in my life. I will still learn Mathematics, but I just don't want to learn for the sake of passing exams and getting good grades. Therefore I think it will be better for me to learn it from just a few branches of Mathematics that I love more and do the reading myself. It's just like how I love to discover about psychology myself and learn it from reading a lot of books. I think it will be more meaningful that way because I can learn them on my own pace, can select the topics that I really interested in and can discover more ways to learn new things.

ii. Then, I don't think I can contribute much if I stayed in Mathematics line. I like to learn more about Mathematics but I don't think I can stand doing research on Mathematics. Even my final year thesis was on Computer Science and Graph Theory (a branch in Applied Mathematics). Therefore, I think I can contribute more by combining these two skills that I have: problem solvings (gained in Mathematics) and programming (gained in, well, programming class). Plus, I don't know if I am inclined towards Pure Mathematics or Applied Mathematics. I definitely don't have passion in Financial Mathematics, so that one is out.

iii. Lastly, there are many pulls from lecturers in Fakulti Teknologi dan Sains Maklumat (FTSM), the faculty which I wish to enroll for my Masters. Since my first year in UKM, I have been actively participating in programming competitions, representing UKM in national-level competition and also UKM-level competition. Therefore, many lecturers are aware of my existence and achievements. I also got the chances to share my experiences with other students, so I was invited a few times to give speeches. To add, I also took a class in FTSM (where very rarely for students from another faculty to do) and managed to get an A. In fact, in that class, I frequently went to the front to explain many concepts of algorithms to my classmates (I am thankful for my ability to understand most of the algorithms quickly). So my lecturer from that class asked me to be her research assistant for her next project. Another lecturer is very eager to have me there that she will nominate me to be one of the fellow in FTSM. I couldn't be more thankful to them. These overwhelming supports from lecturers was what made me decide to enroll in Computer Science.

3. My Future Career Plan
I am planning to open an educational consultant in programming, so that's why I think being here in UPM is truly a blessing, which I can start to experience firsthand on how the job will look like in the future. I am very, very thankful to my supervisor. What I plan to do (for starting) is to help students all over Malaysia in their programming skills. I'll talk about this more in the future.

This is like just 1% of everything, I know there are a lot of things that I still need to learn, but this is an opportunity that I won't pass. I hope this experience will help me in my future career. I am taking Masters in Research, therefore there will be more chances to continue this during my Masters as well. I pray for more opportunities in the future, and hope that I have murah rezeki.

That's all the things that I want to talk about now. I hope I will have the mood to update more in the future. See you in the next post!

Wednesday, August 20, 2014


I remember the time where I used to pour almost everything on this site. Whenever I feel down, I write. Whenever I am about to cry or already crying, I write. Whenever I am feeling emotional, I write. Whenever I want to tell something but I can't talk to the person, I write, hoping that that person would read it.

"Still annoying?" she asked. I know the answer to that.

I don't know if I changed much since last time. I do know that I focused more on my studies, being around friends a lot more, and see lecturers more often. But I do less on sports and workouts though. Hurm.

There's only one year left before graduation. Or to phrase it in a better way, there's a whole year left for me to settle what is left undone. It can be short or long depending on what I want to achieve. My second year seems short, because I really want it to end. I want to forget a this one thing that I am not focusing on what is more important. Starting next semester, I want to change that.

Life as a student is short. Let's take our time cherishing and appreciating all the good things that happened and focus on being a better student.

What is a "better student"?

Friday, August 15, 2014


As a senior who have went through more years in UKM, we all have something to say to our juniors, especially the newcomers. And not just a few things. Many things that we want to share, to tell and to advise. That's the thing about being a senior, we want to give out our experiences, our wisdom, and our stories.

But surely, not all of them are can be related. Everyone has their own paths, and everyone experienced different things. Even for the same events, we perceive things differently. Even our goals are different. Some people emphasize on exam results, some on social networking, some on out-of-class activities, and maybe some just want to get through college life as soon quickly as possible.

Some of us are really eager to give their piece of mind. Some just watched, then give their critics ("bajet jer nak tolong junior" and suchs). Most don't even care about their juniors.

I want to find the balance between all these. I want to help the juniors, yes. I want to help them in their academic performance, especially the core subjects. I also want to give them advice if they need one. In the same time, I don't want to be too annoying. I don't want to nag them. I want to offer my help without being too involved.

I don't know how, but I want to improve from the me during the first two years. If I take care of myself better, then I can help others with less problems.

I'll start thinking on where I can improve myself.

Tuesday, April 22, 2014

The Peak of Stressful Life as a Student

Last week has been stressful, and seems like this week will be the same too. You know, it's a normal life as a student, with so many assignments and tasks. Normal, but not necessarily easy. As I'm typing with really sleepy eyes, I feel like giving up on a few things.

The list of things to do:
1. Etika - 5 reports and 1 assignment
2. Academic Communication II - Setting up interviews and preparations for conferences
3. Hubungan Etnik - Meeting with the lecturer to decide/inform on the research that we want to do
4. Pengenalan Pengurusan Perniagaan - Setting up and deciding on which company to visit, after being rejected by the first company (and they gave us a lot of hope. Fuck)
5. Permodelan Statistik - Test 2 today at 10 am. 

That's just on the academic side. The non-academic stuffs?

1. Writing an answer scheme for FOUR papers which consisted of TWENTY FIVE questions each. They gave me the task on Friday and asked me to finish it by tomorrow.
2. Preparing for the International Mathematics Convention at UMT (9-10 of May), applying for funds that we may not get.

Personal problems? Huh. 

Yes, shouldn't complain. It is just that I thought I am prepared for the stressful semester. I guess I was a bit wrong.

Everyone has their own problems.