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Showing posts from 2011

Still Studying

Exams will be starting at another less than 7 hours, and I am still finding myself studying at the library. Now is almost 8am, and I've been here since 12:45am. Probably going to stay until 11am, get something to eat and go straight to the exam that will start at 2:25pm and lasts for two hours. Next exam will be at 7:25pm.

To be honest I am scared of both, but being scared won't change anything. So that's why I am putting my all to study here. I already had my sleep for around 7 hours before coming to library, so should be okay.

Feeling of Awareness, Awareness of Your Feelings

When I have problems, I usually tell someone about it. "It" being the specific case about the problem, and every detail about it. But it's not like that anymore, since I tend to keep it to myself.

When others told me about how they are worried about their problems, I always told them to not worry too much and just start doing something, you'll feel better that way. Lately it seems that my own words in buried deep into my mind. Whenever I want to express my problems, I always stopped. I lacked the feeling of being worried. Thinking back, I rarely do things because I know I needed to. I often do things when I feel like doing it, no matter the urgency. So even if I want to talk about something, I can't express it since I don't FEEL like telling. 
Plus, I don't know what to expect when telling others about my problem. They can't solve it for you, and sometimes they just don't say the things that you want to hear the most. So why bother? It's another…


Finals are just around the corner.

One paper for literature class due this Thursday. Difficulty rating - 5/5

One quiz for manga class next Tuesday. Difficulty rating - 3/5

Final exam for literature class next Thursday. Difficulty rating - 5/5

Final exam for Linear Algebra class next Thursday too. Difficulty rating - 4/5

Tired. Not enough sleep. Stressed. Scared. Hiding feelings. Running away. Works. Lonely. Alone.

Complaining. Won't go away. Need. Actions. Study. Reviews.

Dream, Again

So last night is just a normal night where I went to sleep like usual, and had a dream. It will be one of those dreams where it got stuck to me strongly (though I'm sure I'll forget it in less than a week)

In this dream, from the first part that I remembered, I was in the car with a lot of people, but I only remember three of them. The one who sit next to me but I dunno who she is (she is an African-American btw). Coco (Ain Rosle) sat next to her, and I dunno what she's doing invading my dream.

Then the one sat farthest from me, it's you.

I only talk to that woman next to me, but I can't recall what is she saying. We were on the way back from some event (I don't know from where we were, and where is our destination), and we stopped by a shopping mall. Then we all went separate way. After a few minutes, I forgot there's something I want to take in the car, so I returned to the car.

Surprisingly, you were there too, with your shopping bags, like how I imagine…


It's natural for people to care about each other, and some care about others more than they care about themselves. Then you have some people who really want to show that they care. When you care about someone too much, it will become annoying. People need their own time to do their own things. Nobody like to be watched 24/7, no matter who did that to them.

The same thing when you don't care at all. You thought that you are giving freedom and space for themselves. But to them, you look like you hardly care, when that is not the case. You care, of course, but you are just afraid that you will care too much.

There's someone that I really care, but I cared for her too much as I'm afraid I don't care enough.

There's also someone that I want to care, but I'm afraid I'll care too much so I never showed how much I care for her.

Too much and too little, that can be applied to almost everything. It has always been said, but moderation is the key.

In another note,…

Last Week, This Week and Next Week (11/21) - Short Holiday

Last Week
Finished my video game paper, and took my Math 340 second midterm. It feels like a lot of burden had been lifted from my shoulder. Thanks to Shafiq Kadir for encouraging me to finish the paper before midnight (because he had to do the paper too). It should be a 10-paper, but my TA is nice enough to let us send the paper even if our paper doesn't reach the intended length (mainly because our lecturer wanted us to do in 1.5 spacing, instead of the usual 2.0 spacing). We both tried to make it to ten pages, but we only managed to do nine; adding more will only make our paper became more convoluted and less meaningful -_-

On the same day on the due date of our paper, I have to lead the discussion, and last week's topic was Games in Education. To sum up what I presented, take a look at this video:

Funny, in the same time meaningful and informative :)

So I have been playing Modern Warfare 3, Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3, Metal Gear, and Super Mario 3D Land, and all of them …

Last Week, This Week and Next Week (11/14) - The Ultimate, and the Ordinary

Last WeekIt was a long week, as so many things happened that every of my feelings are mixed together. But overall, it was a great week. 
It started out on Monday night, where I went to Gamestop with other three friends of mine, lining up for our copy of Call of Duty Modern Warfare 3. We waited outside for around one to one hour and a half (11pm - 12:30am) with other around 200 people, waiting for the same game. The game got me excited as it promised to be the balanced version of MW2, instead of going a slight different route like Black Ops. 
So how was the game? It was a blast. But let me get the bad things aside first. On the first day, we can't play the game in a party. Every time we tried to, we got kicked out from the lobby. But it is fixed already. The most frustrating and rage-inducing fault is the lag. I can say it happened to me for about around 4 out of 10 game. When it happened, you might just prepare to die a lot. The lag is a game-breaker. Hopefully they will fix this in…

First View: Modern Warfare 3 (Multiplayer)

I am one of those people who bought Modern Warfare 3 solely for the multiplayer. I think the single player and the spec ops as the bonuses, not the main thing. I don't mind if people buy it for single player or spec ops, everyone is entitled to how they want to use the content on what they buy, so don't mind me if I say I am not really interested in anything in MW3 besides the multiplayer. This is just a few opinions and overviews that I have after spending my time on the game for 11+ hours. Might not be the true representative of the full review in the future, so be warned.

The matchmaking system
As for now, it seems relatively slow to get into a lobby full of people. On the first day playing, I can't get into a game with my friends, but it's getting better now.

Weapons are a lot more variety than Black Ops. I think almost all secondary weapon are useless since you can pretty much die in two or three bullets (besides Stinger, I'll tell you in The Killstreaks…

Last Week, This Week and Next Week (11/7)

The only reason I choose to write a blog now is because I don't have anything special to do during my shift. Sure, my shift is 4-hour long but the work isn't. Unless there are anything special happening during this time, I have a lot of free time to do some things, like homework and stuffs. So I decided to use this time to update my blog weekly. I am doing my homework in the same time (a draft for video game class's essay), and I need some distraction too.

Last Week
...was pretty normal. Except that I lost the keys to my apartment, and I stayed at my friend's place for three nights. I didn't go to work on Saturday, but still went to my Sunday's shift. It was on Monday that I finally got my new keys from my landlord. Thank God it didn't took longer than that.

On the next day, I went to Gamestop to pick up my copy of Uncharted 3, and I finished the single player campaign on Thursday night. Was it good? To be honest I am not quite sure. I have mixed feelings ab…

Three More To Buy, Still Many More To Finish

Last week I traded eight of my games for Uncharted 3, and surprisingly I got $125 in-store credits. So $55 for Uncharted 3, and another $70 goes toward Modern Warfare 3. So $20 left for MW3. Luckily enough, my Gamestop Reward Point has reached 50000 points, and just traded that point for in-store $50 off coupon. That coupon will be used more Metal Gear Solid HD Collection, and I will trade some more games for Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3. I hope that's all the games that I need (maybe I'll buy Super Mario 3D Land during winter break) this year. I want to buy PS Vita, so will most probably sell my PSP-3000 and PSP-Go. But no need to be early on this one.

I really need to increase my work hours, and will work a lot during this winter (so no vacations, just staying here in Madison). Still have no plan for next semester (for some reason, I cannot)

Just finished Uncharted 3 yesterday. It was a nice experience, but something was lacking though. I personally think that Uncharted 2 di…

Strong Heart

Jack is just a normal student. Last
year, he made a mistake,
a big one. He thought that that
incident is already dealt with. Now, it comes
back to haunt him.

He received news from his school
that his academic status is on hold. He
wasn't sure what to do. Sadness, fear
and tears can be seen, shown from his eyes.

On the same day, Jack lost the
keys to his apartment. Living alone,
he didn't has any way to enter his
apartment. Sadness grows larger in
his heart. It was Friday, and he cannot
get in touch with his landlord
to get new keys.

In just one day, he feels like his
life has turned around. Academic
status is on hold, cannot go back
to his house.

Part time jobs were calling him, so
he went there, with a heavy heart
and wandering souls.

The thought of giving up filled his head.

The thing is, he don't know how to give up.
Like, what should he do in order
to give up? He was confused by that
thought, so he just move forward, and
deal things like how a man should do.

His parent…

Short Review of a Lot of Games

What will my blog be if I don't write anything game-related in it?

I don't really have much time to play games nowadays, and when I do, I usually play Black Ops with my friends. Playing with friends is, well, Luna here says it best:

Thank you Luna.

But I also spent some of my time to play other games that I bought. Here are some of the games:


inFamous 2 (PS3)
Developer: Sucker Punch
Publisher: Sony Computer Entertainment
Meta Score: 83

This PS3-exclusive game is one of my favorite game that I played during summer. inFamous 2 is about Cole McGrath who is blessed (or cursed) with the ability to store and shoot lighting from his body. In the end of the prequel, he learned that his power is needed in order to defeat the Beast, an entity that pose danger to humanity and the Earth itself. Will you use your power for good or evil? You choose. In term of gameplay, Cole now has access to a lot of …

"Loving what you get is happiness"

Didn't realize that I haven't written anything on my blog for such a long period. Time in this semester flies really fast, compared to the last where it seems it was never going to end. I wonder why <3

First part of semester is done. First midterm, first literature paper, first video games paper, and second manga's quiz. Is this the seventh or eighth week? It's hard to keep track of time, when you have a lot of works to do every week.

But I really like this semester, kind of. It's the semester that I finally had a part-time job, and my studies are fine too. Talking about jobs reminds me of a question that I asked myself not too long ago. Why do we need a job? To get more money, and that's it? If it is all about money, then any jobs will do? Without going deeper into the question, I just want to reflect it upon my current part-time job.

When I was looking for a job, I was like "yeah I don't care which job, as long as I can get extra cash". The i…

Not Emo

(I'm not creative when it comes to giving name or titles)
Exam mood is filling the air in UW right now. Students are everywhere as long as there are tables for them to study. I am not one of them, unfortunately, since I don't like to study in the open. I don't like people seeing me studying, maybe because of my ego of not letting me to be one of the knowledge-eating zombies. I like to study at my own pace, and I feel that I studied better when I'm alone. 
I had my Manga quiz last week, so that's one down. The quiz is fun, it's a stress reliever. But the topics that we currently learned are a bit harder, so I need to work..harder. I wish I have a broader choice of vocabulary. 
I have one midterm this week, and it would be Linear Algebra. I need to do a lot of revision on Tuesday so that I won't do silly mistakes. Owh I did miss one Linear Algebra class (on purpose) last week, and turned out it's the class with a lot of stuff learned, and I missed a lot of t…

We All Can Change

Someone said to me "What's up with two straight emo post?" Yes, I am aware of that, and you can say I intentionally became emotional to write.

It's nothing more that a satisfaction to myself. Not because I'm talking about someone else, it's because did let go of what I want to say. It's truly emotional, with made up with less than 20% of facts, and the rest are what my emotion telling me what I feel. I don't think that what I wrote is right, and I am aware that it has more chance on being wrong, so whatever. Both are emotionally driven anyway. I don't give a fuck to those who felt that the posts were meant to direct to them. It's not really about who I wrote to, it's about what I want to let go. Don't like it? You are free to leave now. I am a selfish bastard after all.

So that's it about being emotional. I'm happy now.

Right now, my house is almost complete on being a home to me. I have everything that I need, and almost all t…

You Still Do What You Hate

Remember when you told me that you hate what that person did to you? I guess it was all in the past, since you are just repeating what that person did. But you did it on another person, one that you see fit to sacrifice in order for you to gain your satisfaction and what you call happiness.

You can hate anything that you want. No problem with that since we all have something that we don't like. But to do the things that you said you hate, is fucking dumb. You hate it just to relief yourself, to justify that you are not wrong, that the other party was wrong. Now that you can gain benefit from that person, all your principle disappear with your pride.

You said that you don't have a thing for anyone anymore. But once that person came back to your life, you couldn't resist. You were just lying. Not to anyone, but to yourself.

Remember when you still have "that"? Did you really thankful for the things that you have? Remember you said that you don't have a will to …

That's What I Said

"Kitorang pun dah malas nak amik kisah pasal dia. Dah besar kan, pandai-pandai la fikir sendiri"

When even your own friends said something like this about you, you know that you need to change that something about you.

Yes, you can live your live without even care about what others say, but only if you didn't do anything wrong.

It's back to what I said back in Spring 2010.

Dear Playstation,

why the hell are you so awesome??

I visited Kotaku just now, and saw how much articles focusing on the PS Vita. To make it short, it must-buy rating just increased by 20%. It's just too...too...I don't know how to put it into words.

These are some of the awesome facts about Vita that caught my interest:
- there are 26 PS Vita launch titles for Japan, and it will be released on December 17 (in Japan)
- it can play most PSP downloadable titles
- Metal Gear Solid and Zone of the Enders HD collection for Vita
- Final Fantasy X HD on PS3 and Vita! This is what I'm excited most.
- Persona 4 for Vita! Owh God

On the side note, Capcom jusst released trailer reveals for two new Ultimate Marvel vs. Capcom 3 characters: Vergil and Iron Fist

Owh I'm so happy today!

New House, New Life

How it's going everypony?

Moving out to  my new house wasn't easy, especially because I live alone. But I have a lot of wonderful friends and people around me who are willing to help. These are the people who helped me with my process of moving out:

My parents - Of course! Without their support, I would have a lot of problems by now. I am blessed that my parents can accept the fact that I'm living alone, and even though it was hard for them to acknowledge it in the beginning, they are fine with it now :)

Shafiq Kadir - For helping me searching for a pace to rent, helping me lifting my items (a lot of them!), cooked lunch for me, letting me stay in his house for a night, and the list goes on. I am totally indebted to you until the day I die :p

Adam Nazri, Noor Irshaad and Naqib Jalal - for letting me stay in their house for four days, cooked dinner, accompanying me buying things for my house and a lot more. Sorry that your house was messy because of my things :p

Fawwaz - Fo…


Right now I am in Madison, just started class two days ago. I have been in every class (except for discussion sessions), and I have to say every class is interesting. To sum it all up, I have one Math class, and 3 reading class. One of them (English 168) has a lot of reading requirements. But the books are not for heavy readers, thankfully. They are just a lot, and I mean A LOT. Manga class has a lot to read to, but we only have 5 quizzes throughout the semester, and that's it. No final exams, or even midterms. Video game class is almost the same like last year's.

So this semester, I really need to be very disciplined, to able to manage my time and money properly, and prioritize what's important. I know it's hard, and even I don't think I could do it. But owh well, I don't want to mess up again. Just be patience, only two years left.

I went to Gamestop two days ago to trade-in most of my games. I managed to receive $140 in-store credit, and bought two items wit…


I went to KLIA. Discovered that my itinerary has slight misinformation, then went back home. My flight will be on Monday 3:15pm. $300 was burned just like that for the domestic flight. I'm sad. I don't want to make things harder for my parents anymore.

Before going back home, we went to Kajang, visiting my uncle's house. The road, the scenery, was too familiar. It was the road I always used whenever I went to see her. It bring back so much memories. I avoided the road for three months. Last time was last year. It hurts. It hurts so much. I want to meet you, but I know I can't.

So sad. Almost cried. No one to talk to. But it's ok Zafree. It's ok.


Eid, Then Come Studies

I just got back from my kampung, and I had a lot of wonderful experiences. Met a lot of my family members, and it made me realize just how important our families are. I like how they don't really look at our background (in a good way) and just accept others as who they are. Back when I was little until the end of SPM year, I didn't really talk a lot with them because...let's just say I'm kinda anti-social with my families, and I didn't really know what to talk about. After I went to INTEC, I became more outspoken, and I started to talk a lot with my cousins, and my mom's cousin's children. It was my shortest Eid in Malaysia in my whole life, but definitely doesn't make it any less awesome.

Well, the Eid celebration need to stop for now, since I will be going back to Madison this Saturday. Need to prepare a lot of things, especially since I will be living alone. You don't know how worried my mom was.

There's nothing much to talk right now, just w…


I won't be in my house for five days, as I will be going back to my hometown today. Provided with no internet and phone line, I won't be in contact with anyone for most of the time (though phone line will be available sometimes).

I'll return to my house on Thursday, and going back to Madison on Saturday. So until then, farewell.


Lately I'm just not into writing anything in here, as I am not really into anything. Well, anything besides playing games. Maybe because I will be going back to Madison next week, and there are still a lot of unfinished problems there. I want to go back there as soon as possible, because I have a lot of things need to be done: moving out, buying utensils, foods, books and many more.

But it's ok, I think I need to be more appreciative of what I have right now rather than complaining about what I don't have. So this week I want to spend more time with my families, and today we will be having iftar at a hotel. Yipee!

I guess I do have something to tell anyway. Last week, I wrote an article at a Malaysian gamers website just for fun. To make it short, the owner of the site re-posted the article at, a gaming website too. I was surprised to find how much comments it received, though I'm sure most of the user didn't even read the article haha.

Here's the link,…

Overcome Your Sadness and Be Strong

I don't really feel like doing much after I heard what happened. It got nothing to do with me directly, I know, but I feel very sad about it. I think my heart stopped beating for a while when the news about your grandma arrived to me. I hope you will be strong. No one in this world can escape from our own inevitable death..

"Every soul will taste death, and you will only be given your [full] compensation on the Day of Resurrection. So he who is drawn away from the Fire and admitted to Paradise has attained [his desire]. And what is the life of this world except the enjoyment of delusion"

Ali-Imran : 185

Let's Talk About Games (8/21)

I was just looking around Nintendo's eShop when I found out that Shin Megami Tensei Devil Survivor Overclocked for 3DS will finally be released on next Tuesday (in US). Overclocked is an enhanced version of 2009 RPG of the same name (without the Overclocked) For Nintendo DS. I played the original version, but didn't finish it because apparently it was too hard. I was a few more bosses before the last boss, but I got stuck at this one boss, named Beelzebub (stupid giant fly). I failed after I had more than 5 attempts to defeat it. I downloaded the pirated version of the game, so I didn't feel so bad about not finishing it. This time, I will finish it, and I know it will drain more hours of my life. From my experience hunting for new games in Malaysia, it probably will be available by next Friday. Hopefully I can get my hands on it before going back beraya.

Talking about 3DS, I just had this moment where I was considering to sell my 3DS. Try to look at Sony's Press Confe…