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Showing posts from December, 2011

Still Studying

Exams will be starting at another less than 7 hours, and I am still finding myself studying at the library. Now is almost 8am, and I've been here since 12:45am. Probably going to stay until 11am, get something to eat and go straight to the exam that will start at 2:25pm and lasts for two hours. Next exam will be at 7:25pm.

To be honest I am scared of both, but being scared won't change anything. So that's why I am putting my all to study here. I already had my sleep for around 7 hours before coming to library, so should be okay.

Feeling of Awareness, Awareness of Your Feelings

When I have problems, I usually tell someone about it. "It" being the specific case about the problem, and every detail about it. But it's not like that anymore, since I tend to keep it to myself.

When others told me about how they are worried about their problems, I always told them to not worry too much and just start doing something, you'll feel better that way. Lately it seems that my own words in buried deep into my mind. Whenever I want to express my problems, I always stopped. I lacked the feeling of being worried. Thinking back, I rarely do things because I know I needed to. I often do things when I feel like doing it, no matter the urgency. So even if I want to talk about something, I can't express it since I don't FEEL like telling. 
Plus, I don't know what to expect when telling others about my problem. They can't solve it for you, and sometimes they just don't say the things that you want to hear the most. So why bother? It's another…


Finals are just around the corner.

One paper for literature class due this Thursday. Difficulty rating - 5/5

One quiz for manga class next Tuesday. Difficulty rating - 3/5

Final exam for literature class next Thursday. Difficulty rating - 5/5

Final exam for Linear Algebra class next Thursday too. Difficulty rating - 4/5

Tired. Not enough sleep. Stressed. Scared. Hiding feelings. Running away. Works. Lonely. Alone.

Complaining. Won't go away. Need. Actions. Study. Reviews.

Dream, Again

So last night is just a normal night where I went to sleep like usual, and had a dream. It will be one of those dreams where it got stuck to me strongly (though I'm sure I'll forget it in less than a week)

In this dream, from the first part that I remembered, I was in the car with a lot of people, but I only remember three of them. The one who sit next to me but I dunno who she is (she is an African-American btw). Coco (Ain Rosle) sat next to her, and I dunno what she's doing invading my dream.

Then the one sat farthest from me, it's you.

I only talk to that woman next to me, but I can't recall what is she saying. We were on the way back from some event (I don't know from where we were, and where is our destination), and we stopped by a shopping mall. Then we all went separate way. After a few minutes, I forgot there's something I want to take in the car, so I returned to the car.

Surprisingly, you were there too, with your shopping bags, like how I imagine…


It's natural for people to care about each other, and some care about others more than they care about themselves. Then you have some people who really want to show that they care. When you care about someone too much, it will become annoying. People need their own time to do their own things. Nobody like to be watched 24/7, no matter who did that to them.

The same thing when you don't care at all. You thought that you are giving freedom and space for themselves. But to them, you look like you hardly care, when that is not the case. You care, of course, but you are just afraid that you will care too much.

There's someone that I really care, but I cared for her too much as I'm afraid I don't care enough.

There's also someone that I want to care, but I'm afraid I'll care too much so I never showed how much I care for her.

Too much and too little, that can be applied to almost everything. It has always been said, but moderation is the key.

In another note,…