Skip to main content

Run or Not

When you messed up on a path you took, you can either turn back and choose another or force through the obstacle and keep moving forward. In my case, I choose to step back and start over. But it's not hard to do so. It is as hard as going forward, if not harder.

To turn back and start over, is it the same as running away? To be honest, I don't know the answer. I have this feeling that I am running away, but in the same time, I am not. Why didn't I just be stronger and keep going? Why did I choose to go back to Malaysia? I know that trials are meant to be overcome so that we will become a better person, not to hinder us from getting what we want. is not easy to do that.

I may be a loser, as I choose to go back instead of continuing when I have only one year before graduation. I choose to go back not to start over actually, but to continue where I left. I want to pursue what I really want, which is Mathematics. I do not hate Actuarial Science, but I do not enjoy it either. That's why I decide to take another path. Plus, my results for the last two semesters were very...bad.

Stepping back is not easy. I have a lot of stuffs to
take care of before going back, and I ended up disturbing a lot of people. My mom especially, I know she can't stay still after knowing my results. Afraid that my future might be bleak, she tried to come up with solutions. Now that I need to go back, she did her best to support me in every way she can. There's no way a stranger would do that to me, she's a soul that I will forever be indebted to and will never be payed for the rest of my life. En. Razak, the Director of MARA USA, has been encouraging me in any way he can, like giving suggestions on what to do next, giving advices etc. He didn't has to do that, but he did anyway. He called me personally to hear on on what I have to say, to hear my reasons and to see from my perspective. If I stay the same after this, then I don't deserve to be called a human being anymore.

Anyway, I chose to go back to Malaysia, because I don't think I can make it next semester here. Even if I'll make it, my CGPA will be so bad, and it's not easy to find jobs with CGPA like this. There are other reasons, but let's not go into that.

I don't know whether I am running away or not, but we'll see once I continue my study back in Malaysia.

Popular posts from this blog

New College Life In UKM

After intentionally abandoning my blog for around 6 weeks, I think it's about time I write something about what is currently happening in my life.

Since the last time I updated, I haven't done anything much. I met some of my friends, and mostly spent my time with my families and explaining to every single one of them about "why" am I not returning to the States. Most of the them accept the fact easily and told me to be strong, work hard in the future and don't make the same mistake (which usually just simplified to "don't play games too much")

Being Different Is Lonely

From our ages, I know that I am different from most of my classmates. Naturally, most of them are three years younger than me, but that is not the problem. In fact, I had the most fun surrounded by them. They don't treat me differently just because I'm older. I think I am blessed with the fact that there are others who are older than the average (those who were born in 1993) in the batch.
I think I am not as matured as someone of my age should. But then again, there's no guideline on how matured a person should be or how you to be a mature person. Though my guidelines are basically these two: when you can prioritize and you can be responsible towards your actions. I don't know if I have these two qualities, but I know I am working towards it, slowly but surely.
Anyway, being older doesn't make me automatically different from the others. But there are certain things that make me feel.. different, and sometimes isolated. Like at this moment of writing, I am overwhelm…

Death in the Community

All of my housemates returned to their parents' house this weekend since we have public holiday on Monday. I stayed because my mother is not home and I have exam on Tuesday.

I don't mind being alone (isn't it weird for an attention seeker?), but it is too quiet in the house so I went to the nearest surau for Zuhur prayer. To my surprise, there were a lot of people there, and the main prayer room is full, compared to the usual only 3-4 rows of jemaah.

The prayer went as usual, and I think I had more peace being surrounded by people (hoho). After the prayer, the imam announced that we will be making a prayer for the recently deceased (solat jenazah). No wonder there are a lot of people.

Looking at the scene, I can't help but remember the day when my father passed away. His body was carried from Kluang, Johor to Shah Alam, and brought to a surau nearby for solat jenazah. Today's event reminded me that a community is very important for our well-being. Just imagine, ran…