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Run or Not

When you messed up on a path you took, you can either turn back and choose another or force through the obstacle and keep moving forward. In my case, I choose to step back and start over. But it's not hard to do so. It is as hard as going forward, if not harder.

To turn back and start over, is it the same as running away? To be honest, I don't know the answer. I have this feeling that I am running away, but in the same time, I am not. Why didn't I just be stronger and keep going? Why did I choose to go back to Malaysia? I know that trials are meant to be overcome so that we will become a better person, not to hinder us from getting what we want. But...it is not easy to do that.

I may be a loser, as I choose to go back instead of continuing when I have only one year before graduation. I choose to go back not to start over actually, but to continue where I left. I want to pursue what I really want, which is Mathematics. I do not hate Actuarial Science, but I do not enjoy it either. That's why I decide to take another path. Plus, my results for the last two semesters were very...bad.

Stepping back is not easy. I have a lot of stuffs to
take care of before going back, and I ended up disturbing a lot of people. My mom especially, I know she can't stay still after knowing my results. Afraid that my future might be bleak, she tried to come up with solutions. Now that I need to go back, she did her best to support me in every way she can. There's no way a stranger would do that to me, she's a soul that I will forever be indebted to and will never be payed for the rest of my life. En. Razak, the Director of MARA USA, has been encouraging me in any way he can, like giving suggestions on what to do next, giving advices etc. He didn't has to do that, but he did anyway. He called me personally to hear on on what I have to say, to hear my reasons and to see from my perspective. If I stay the same after this, then I don't deserve to be called a human being anymore.

Anyway, I chose to go back to Malaysia, because I don't think I can make it next semester here. Even if I'll make it, my CGPA will be so bad, and it's not easy to find jobs with CGPA like this. There are other reasons, but let's not go into that.

I don't know whether I am running away or not, but we'll see once I continue my study back in Malaysia.

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