Skip to main content


Showing posts from June, 2017

Death in the Community

All of my housemates returned to their parents' house this weekend since we have public holiday on Monday. I stayed because my mother is not home and I have exam on Tuesday.

I don't mind being alone (isn't it weird for an attention seeker?), but it is too quiet in the house so I went to the nearest surau for Zuhur prayer. To my surprise, there were a lot of people there, and the main prayer room is full, compared to the usual only 3-4 rows of jemaah.

The prayer went as usual, and I think I had more peace being surrounded by people (hoho). After the prayer, the imam announced that we will be making a prayer for the recently deceased (solat jenazah). No wonder there are a lot of people.

Looking at the scene, I can't help but remember the day when my father passed away. His body was carried from Kluang, Johor to Shah Alam, and brought to a surau nearby for solat jenazah. Today's event reminded me that a community is very important for our well-being. Just imagine, ran…

A Series of Weaknesses

1. Right now, I am dealing with two of my biggest problems: attention seeking behavior and anxiety from not getting responds from my trusted person, or as I call it, my refuge person.

2. This problem is not new, the first sign that I can remember is back in 2008, when I just broke up with my ex. What happened was, I tried so desperately to get the feeling of unease out of my heart that I talked to every single person that I could find (except my family members). Then it happened again back in 2010 until 2012, for the same reason as before but it has more complications.

3. So the pattern is like this: I get into a relationship -> broke up -> uneasiness takes control -> I will call or message every possible person that I could get in touch. The next time it happened was in 2013, then once again at 2015. The last time it happened was just last week, but this time it was for a different reason.

4. Only this time, I didn't contact as many person as I did back then. Only three …