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Feeling of Awareness, Awareness of Your Feelings

When I have problems, I usually tell someone about it. "It" being the specific case about the problem, and every detail about it. But it's not like that anymore, since I tend to keep it to myself.

When others told me about how they are worried about their problems, I always told them to not worry too much and just start doing something, you'll feel better that way. Lately it seems that my own words in buried deep into my mind. Whenever I want to express my problems, I always stopped. I lacked the feeling of being worried. Thinking back, I rarely do things because I know I needed to. I often do things when I feel like doing it, no matter the urgency. So even if I want to talk about something, I can't express it since I don't FEEL like telling. 

Plus, I don't know what to expect when telling others about my problem. They can't solve it for you, and sometimes they just don't say the things that you want to hear the most. So why bother? It's another words that I said to someone, that you should share your feelings with others, don't hold them back in especially when you are about to break. Truth is, I really want to talk to someone, but I am being picky. I don't want to tell anything to just about anybody. Even if I wanted to, I don't feel like it. I am eating my own words. 

Even right now, I am just writing because I feel like writing. Now I realized that I am contradicting myself. I am writing this because I am telling myself that no one will read this. But I know there's always someone who read this, and that's why I keep writing. It's funny when you are aware of your own feelings, but it's scary when you are aware of your awareness.

(Edited post is edited at 12/21 10:19am Central Time)


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