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Less Than A Month Left Berore Departure

If you had seen through all my post before, you will realized that seldom, if not, very little, I talked about going overseas
I...never felt excited about going overseas
It's only a coincidence that I received this scholarship to go to USA
If I didn't get the scholarship, then I'm happy enough to study in our country
Looking back, I never ever thought about my future for the long term
I don't really care about it; as long as I continue living, I'll be delighted

Did I really wanted to choose actuarial science? Yes, but only because my teacher recommended it and it is the only course that are listed in MARA's website that had something to do with Mathematics (besides engineering)
I'm willingly enter the path that had in front of me, I don't give a damn about searching other hidden roads that may lead to better destination
Yeah, that's me alright

I remember in a talk about mind set, I learn that if we want to succeed, we need to have a vision in our mind
(For example, if we want to be a doctor, then we need to imagine us being a doctor, clearly and strongly)
The problem with me is, I didn't have that vision for myself
What am I going to do after I had my Degree? What am I going to be? What will be my job? How should I do in order to accomplish it?
..I never visualize it...

Haha..I'm sure my mom will be upset if she read this....






Mom?



Hey..I just remembered something...About what my mom asked me before...
"Do you really want to study overseas? Do you think you can survive out there?..If not..Just stay in Malaysia, maybe it's better for you.."
My answer? "I will be alright..Don't worry~I won't let this opportunity go just like that"
*with a smile*
But...Did I really meant what I said?...maybe I just want to make my mom feels better...That's good...
There worst thing is, I DIDN'T THINK ABOUT MYSELF!!!

Maybe, is I can't think about myself, then the only person that come is..my mom
At least, she would be the reason for my success
My mom never asked to study like she did to my younger brother
I used to wonder why

Now I realize, because she has this one thing inside her
FAITH
Yes, she has faith in me
I think that is the best reason
But I destroyed her faith behind her...
I never did like she expected...
I'm useless..

Whenever I think about going to USA, I will think about my mother
Can she hold her tears? Will she be alright?
She will think about me everyday, waiting a news about me
I will be in her prayers in every moment..She wished for the best for me..
She will cry, alone, while she smiled in front of everybody else...
If she can, she would stop me from going overseas, so that she can still see me everyday when she got back from work

But it will go to waste if I don't fulfill her wishes
That's why from now on, everything that I do is for her
I want to reach the top because of her
I wish to make her life better
I wish to make her life easier
I wish she got everything that she deserved by raising this son

Mom,
I'm sorry for all bad things that I've done
Mom,
I'm sorry for prioritize my friends first before you
Mom,
I'm sorry if I had not been like you expected

I promise, I always keep what you said to me
Because I can find no other mom just like you

p/s : There is no coincidence, everything happens according to His will

Comments

  1. siti.mashitahJuly 24, 2009 at 2:06 AM

    quote dr ayah aku, "anak2 abah ni pelaburan terbesar abah".
    yes, ade time they (the parents) have to bear some pain and so do us.

    but then, don't make the pain go to waste la. :)

    ps: post2 ko ni makin lame makin mmbuatkn mood nk fly tu dtg r... (mood sdih)

    ReplyDelete
  2. ain cocoJuly 24, 2009 at 7:09 AM

    heyya..togetha we take da sme course, togetha we go to da sme uni, togetha we experience da ups and downs of studying abroad and indeed,togetha we help each other towards da right path :D insyaAllah..
    wisc gonna rox ye zaff...heee~ =)

    p:s teach me calculus n other sbjcts dat cud rack my brain ;p

    ReplyDelete
  3. NaqibJuly 24, 2009 at 7:29 AM

    oh yeah coco!
    wisc will rock!
    weee!!!
    :)

    ReplyDelete
  4. bawangmerahJuly 24, 2009 at 8:33 AM

    I will be alright..
    anak soleh.
    slalu jugak aku cakap dengan ayah aku "ill be alright" tapi taktau la aku maksudkan ke tak.

    ReplyDelete
  5. a d a m™July 24, 2009 at 9:09 AM

    pandangan aku, manusia ada limit utk mind-set...dalam kelas psychology pon aku ada wat eksperiment ttg brain type...ada org lebih kepada maths dan ada yg kat music n so on...

    ko kene realize tuh dulu...kalo tak lebih kurang cam ko berenang lawan arus...fikir2kan...

    ReplyDelete
  6. ZafreeJuly 24, 2009 at 9:59 AM

    mashi - yes...kalau x rugi la segala pengorbanan mereka kan...yg penting kte berusaha ;)
    p/s : of coz...sbgi anak kte pun sedih jugak biler nk tinggalkan parents...mcm muler2 masuk MRSM

    coco - yep, we always have each other and we will be on top together! Kte tolong aa member2 even diorg x kae diorg perlukan pertolongan, coz menjadi tanggungjawab kte utk pastikan kawan kte x kecundang ;D

    p/s : study group aa!hehe

    naqib - wisc the best weyh! haha

    bawangmerah - ader time kte ckp benda yg kte x maksudkan sbb kte nk jge hati orang lain...atau kte just malas nk layan sbb kdg2 benda tu agak insignificant...
    tp biler kte fikir balik, baru kte tau naper parents kte tanyer camtu...
    Allah bless our our parents

    adam - maybe mind set yg aku citer n mind set yg ko nk ckp adalah perkara yg berbeza. boleh tolong terangkan lagi?

    p/s : kadang2 aku rase baik aku masuk kelas psiko :(

    woa (words of appreciation) :
    mashi n bawangmerah - thanx for sharing your experience! maybe we, all people, had some experience which we all had gone through, so don't be shy to share it here!~

    coco n naqib - great words of motivation, thanx!

    adam - your ideas and thoughts makes me feel like you always think about the world around you, just like you said how observant you are. thanx for lending me the great ideas of yours!

    ReplyDelete
  7. a d a m™July 24, 2009 at 1:08 PM

    the mindset that i want to tell you is the same as what's u've written...imagining you can run fast before you're run on a running track can make u actually faster than u usually be...

    however, by imagining about profession, in my opinion, if u force-imagining and u take the road that others made u to take, that can lead to 'burnout'...a psychological illness which bears the meaning of mental and physical exhaustion...this can happen when you do the thing u're not happy with for a long time...

    ReplyDelete
  8. ZafreeJuly 24, 2009 at 3:02 PM

    Am I right by saying that it is not a problem if we foresee about the thing that we like?

    macam aku suker math, n aku fikir aku akan jd lecturer, which something yang aku bley bayangkan

    example of mental and physical exhaustion is like when my mother wanted me to be a doctor, which I don't like, and I forced myself to imagine it

    btol x?

    btw, biler ko nk tukar gambar profile ko?hehe

    ReplyDelete
  9. a d a m™July 24, 2009 at 3:45 PM

    yup betol tuh...

    profile? blog ker? haha...malas nak tuka...taknak gambar yg nmpk aku terang2...sng kantoi...

    ReplyDelete
  10. ZafreeJuly 24, 2009 at 6:50 PM

    haha amik aa gambar lain dam..

    tukar angin skit, bersempena dgn tukar template kat blog

    hehe

    ReplyDelete
  11. AnonymousJuly 24, 2009 at 11:25 PM

    Kau taknak gi oversea?


    D:!

    -kai516-

    ReplyDelete
  12. ZafreeJuly 25, 2009 at 12:19 AM

    marah ke kai?

    haha

    per kate ko jer yg ganti aku gie us?
    hehe tade la

    ko tgh cuti ke skrg?
    ke kat uitm?
    aku hilang no ko aa...
    nak bley?
    hehe

    ReplyDelete
  13. AnonymousJuly 25, 2009 at 9:23 PM

    Aku tgh cuti H1N1.
    Camne nak bg no phone aa?
    Takkan nak bg no phone kat sini kot.
    Segan aa. :P

    Kalau aku ganti kau gi us, 1st class aku dah demam.

    -kai-

    ReplyDelete
  14. ZafreeJuly 26, 2009 at 12:13 AM

    ko still ader no aku kan? miss call jer la..huhu

    nanti aku bg aa ko duit beli baju sejuk. hehe

    btw ko dah tgk blog syazwi?

    ReplyDelete
  15. Amirah Bazil Ahmad KamalJuly 26, 2009 at 2:43 AM

    zaf..nape x amek engineering dr awal je?
    bes ape engineer..blaja math gak
    aku pon mase amek engineering ni
    slalu gak ah persoalkn cmne lps ni
    sbb aku sndiri x sure chem engineer ni keje cane..aku taw oil ptroleum tu
    tp what sort of work that i will do nnt x nmpk..kabur..

    but after blaja cket2 ni, i kinda nmpk cket la..
    aku rse aku blaja ni dlu sbb my parents..tp bekk jgn gne alasan tu
    find it in your heart n u will never regret it
    sbb bile kte gne alasan sbb parents
    kite rse beban
    baek ko try minat..cbe lah ape2
    sbb minat tula yg bwat ko tros mau blaja =)

    kdg2 tu mmg sedih la sbb mnt asal aku nk jadi pharmacist
    tp nk bwat cane
    dh jln yg aku pilih cani

    so..dgr komen pnjg lebar ni
    aku harap ko berjaya lah nnt bile dah masok U ok?
    pegi je us tu..ko enjoy aje! ;)
    *agak sedih la ko pnye post
    jgn sedih2 ok

    ReplyDelete
  16. ZafreeJuly 26, 2009 at 9:55 AM

    muler2 mmg ader aku nk amik engineering..tapi sbb nmpk ader actuarial science, yg maner aku nmpk mcm better, aku amik la..huhu

    ko pun tau aku minat math..so harap2 myer aku pun bley aa minat actuarial science nie..insyaAllah..

    ko nk jd oharmacist?naper x amik?
    dlu mase aku kecik2 pun parents aku suro jd doktor, tp biler aku semakin membesar, aku tau la yg aku dominant kat math
    so aku x amik aa medic, takat main game bedah orang bley aa
    hehe

    yg jd masalah kat aku b4 nie is aku mmg minat math, hopefully akan minat actuarial sc sekali (walaupun xde la math sgt), tp aku x dpt visualize aper yg aku akan jd nanti..
    hati tu aku balik jasin, jumper cikgu noorashida. dier pun amik actuarial sc dlu, so bnyk aa nasihat berguna dr dier
    :)

    so dgn komen yg panjang lebar aku nie gak, aku akhiri dgn ucapan terima kasih kat ko atas kate2 semangat ko!
    ko pun jgn dok wat last minute jer...hehehe
    thanx again!
    ader time aku perlku gak bersedih..ngehehe

    ReplyDelete
  17. AnonymousJuly 26, 2009 at 2:41 PM

    Syazwi? blom lagi.
    Yang mana satu?

    kau guna 013 ke 017?

    -kai-

    ReplyDelete
  18. ZafreeJuly 26, 2009 at 10:25 PM

    aku guner 017~

    ko still guner digi?

    ReplyDelete
  19. AnonymousJuly 27, 2009 at 4:59 PM

    a'ah, still guna nombor yang sama. 016.

    -kai-

    ReplyDelete
  20. Amirah Bazil Ahmad KamalJuly 28, 2009 at 2:19 AM

    This comment has been removed by the author.

    ReplyDelete
  21. Amirah Bazil Ahmad KamalJuly 28, 2009 at 2:20 AM

    ouhh bgslah cmtu..
    mmg fate ko actuarial science la kot
    hehe

    ouhh sbb ayah aku byk brainwash aku
    dgn mende2 engineering ni..huuhu
    ayah aku kate jadi doktor ni xde life
    so bek amek engineering sbb senang keje n gaji byk
    aku mnt gak math tp xdela mnt lebih dr science esp bio
    aku suke bio tp yg aku x ske keje menghafal lah
    so ayah aku kate chem engineer ni tere sbb die blaja byk mende..math ade chem ade bio pon ade..

    plus mara x offer pharmacist
    jpa je..ayah aku x yakin aku dpt jpa..so die kate gi yg mara

    tula cte die..tp nk bwat cane kn
    idop must move on!
    you're most welcome =)

    ReplyDelete
  22. ZafreeJuly 29, 2009 at 6:52 PM

    aku harap jalan yg aku pilih nie jalan yang terbaik la

    atau akan menunjukkan jalan yang terbaik

    huhu

    bagus la utk ko, yg penting make your future better

    goodluck ngan hidup ;)
    semoga Allah sentiasa menunjukkan jalan yang terbaik utk kte

    ReplyDelete

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