A week after thanksgiving, we had a group discussion about Islam. To make it short, suddenly it become a debate of my commitments toward someone. Yes, it is about love. These are the questions, and my answer:
If you guys love each other, why don't you just be in relationship?
If we are in love, doesn't mean we MUST be in love. Being in relationship doesn't give any assurance that you are going to get married to each other. Most of my friends that are in relationship often ended up in failure, though a few (like one out of 50) still manage to maintain for 3-4 years. If you are ready to be in relationship, then you must be ready to get married. You give your commitment, attention and time for your partner, isn't it the same as married couple?* I never say being is relationship is wrong, but people who in relationship is the trouble. We always want the good thing (getting attention, sharing our love, etc) but always avoid the hard part (our responsibilities, commitment, etc). So in my opinion, being in (typical) relationship is taking the easy way to get what we want and avoid what we don't want (compared to the reason for and responsible in marriage). My question is, if you are ready to be in relationship, why not just ready to get in marriage? Remember, Islam doesn't constraint our desire completely and being conservative; Islam show us the right way to complete our fitrah.
If you love her then why you didn't show it? I'd seen her with this guy more often then she is with you.
First of all, they are just friends, and maybe you only saw it one time, but you consider it as much. That should clear the latter. For the first one, of course I show it to her, but in my own way. I don't need to show to everyone that I love her. Also, I don't want to show ALL of my love before I get married. Because if I do, what would be the purpose of marriage? I don't my life with my wife to be dull because we had did all the things before we get married. Better do it the right way than to do it while driven by my own desire. Of course, we do know what is right or wrong. But it is up to us to do it or not. I try not to follow my desire, but follow what is right.
Why would you let her be on her own? It's like you didn't care about her a bit.
I do care about her, but I let her do what she wants. If she wants to find another man (wow, I'm already a man), then I'll let her be. Why? Because we are still not married. I don't have any right to control her every movement. If she really love me, then she'll do the right thing to protect her love, and I believe in her. I don't need to worry too much because I'm not the one who decide fully whether we will be together. I believe in fate, and also the effort in order to fulfill the dream
Do you really believe in her? What if she doesn't keep her love for you?
If I don't believe her, then who will? I have my faith to her and Allah. Like I said, if she loves another man, then be it.
I have this "need attention" issue. Don't you have it?
I do, no doubt about it. Of course, I also need attention. But that doesn't mean I have to get it most of the time. If it is attention I seek, then I will be with her most of the time, but I need to not let myself get everything I want. Why? It is not always a good thing. I think there are a lot other thing to do besides getting attention from your partner. Okay, this is my own experiences. For boys, the more you give attention, the higher possibilities that he will get bored. For girls, the more you give her attention, the more she will be begging for attention in the future. I don't want that, since it always cause troubles.
*Well, preparing for marriage is a problem, and that is because most people doesn't get the true purpose of marriage. In Malaysia, it is all about the kenduri, bersanding, and all the debts for the marriage. Come on, why make marriage harder! We just want our relationship to be blessed and legal in Islam!
This post will be edited from time to time. If you have any comment, just nail it~ I always open for arguments and opinions
Question(s) I want to ask to all of you:
- For how many times you had be in a relationship that you think like "I'm sure he/she is the right person this time" or "This relationship will going to work out, not like before", but it turns out a failure too?
- As a human being, we love to see when two people (male and female) are together. No denying of that. But how many time you hate them when you always see they are together and abandoning friends around them?
- It is really worth to go in relationship abandoning you friends? Is your partner really going to help you all the time?
- How many times you see someone turns to a friend after they had a problem or just recently break up? In fact they never seem to seek for your help when they are happy together
All of this questions are my own opinion, and please read and think carefully because you might get different meaning from what I want to ask~ :)