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A Little Debate About Love and Commitment

A week after thanksgiving, we had a group discussion about Islam. To make it short, suddenly it become a debate of my commitments toward someone. Yes, it is about love. These are the questions, and my answer:

If you guys love each other, why don't you just be in relationship?
If we are in love, doesn't mean we MUST be in love. Being in relationship doesn't give any assurance that you are going to get married to each other. Most of my friends that are in relationship often ended up in failure, though a few (like one out of 50) still manage to maintain for 3-4 years. If you are ready to be in relationship, then you must be ready to get married. You give your commitment, attention and time for your partner, isn't it the same as married couple?* I never say being is relationship is wrong, but people who in relationship is the trouble. We always want the good thing (getting attention, sharing our love, etc) but always avoid the hard part (our responsibilities, commitment, etc). So in my opinion, being in (typical) relationship is taking the easy way to get what we want and avoid what we don't want (compared to the reason for and responsible in marriage). My question is, if you are ready to be in relationship, why not just ready to get in marriage? Remember, Islam doesn't constraint our desire completely and being conservative; Islam show us the right way to complete our fitrah.

If you love her then why you didn't show it? I'd seen her with this guy more often then she is with you.
First of all, they are just friends, and maybe you only saw it one time, but you consider it as much. That should clear the latter. For the first one, of course I show it to her, but in my own way. I don't need to show to everyone that I love her. Also, I don't want to show ALL of my love before I get married. Because if I do, what would be the purpose of marriage? I don't my life with my wife to be dull because we had did all the things before we get married. Better do it the right way than to do it while driven by my own desire. Of course, we do know what is right or wrong. But it is up to us to do it or not. I try not to follow my desire, but follow what is right.

Why would you let her be on her own? It's like you didn't care about her a bit.
I do care about her, but I let her do what she wants. If she wants to find another man (wow, I'm already a man), then I'll let her be. Why? Because we are still not married. I don't have any right to control her every movement. If she really love me, then she'll do the right thing to protect her love, and I believe in her. I don't need to worry too much because I'm not the one who decide fully whether we will be together. I believe in fate, and also the effort in order to fulfill the dream

Do you really believe in her? What if she doesn't keep her love for you?
If I don't believe her, then who will? I have my faith to her and Allah. Like I said, if she loves another man, then be it.

I have this "need attention" issue. Don't you have it?
I do, no doubt about it. Of course, I also need attention. But that doesn't mean I have to get it most of the time. If it is attention I seek, then I will be with her most of the time, but I need to not let myself get everything I want. Why? It is not always a good thing. I think there are a lot other thing to do besides getting attention from your partner. Okay, this is my own experiences. For boys, the more you give attention, the higher possibilities that he will get bored. For girls, the more you give her attention, the more she will be begging for attention in the future. I don't want that, since it always cause troubles.


*Well, preparing for marriage is a problem, and that is because most people doesn't get the true purpose of marriage. In Malaysia, it is all about the kenduri, bersanding, and all the debts for the marriage. Come on, why make marriage harder! We just want our relationship to be blessed and legal in Islam!

This post will be edited from time to time. If you have any comment, just nail it~ I always open for arguments and opinions

Question(s) I want to ask to all of you:
- For how many times you had be in a relationship that you think like "I'm sure he/she is the right person this time" or "This relationship will going to work out, not like before", but it turns out a failure too?
- As a human being, we love to see when two people (male and female) are together. No denying of that. But how many time you hate them when you always see they are together and abandoning friends around them?
- It is really worth to go in relationship abandoning you friends? Is your partner really going to help you all the time?
- How many times you see someone turns to a friend after they had a problem or just recently break up? In fact they never seem to seek for your help when they are happy together

All of this questions are my own opinion, and please read and think carefully because you might get different meaning from what I want to ask~ :)

Comments

  1. my most favorable part,
    wow, I'm already a man

    hahaha anyhow, mas kahwin Selangor dah naik jadi RM 300. cepat pegi carik gf org nogori!

    ReplyDelete
  2. orang nogori? mintak tolong mak jer la nampaknyer~haha

    ReplyDelete
  3. lol
    that is why we learn to be "berpada-pada"
    if you overdo it than the relationship will end quickly.
    (ayat storm warrior)xp
    neway, it is ok to be in a relationship with your lover. it's just that you will have to give and take la...

    ReplyDelete
  4. aku setuju bahagian manusia semakin menyukarkan keadaan. buat yang wajib sudeyh~
    kalau boleh, duit tu simpan2 la.
    hidang tetamu minum petang pun orite ape. takyah la bersanding, kenduri ke hape.
    [bapak kedekott]
    hahahahaha
    kalau mak aku dapat tau benda yang aku cakap ni, agaknya kene sebat lah aku ni.
    XD

    ReplyDelete
  5. farah - Salam~~ Thanks! will always do~

    leng chai - "give and take", a sentence long forgotten~ yeah, I know that golden rule in relationship :) I don't say that being in relationship is wrong. But from my experiences, it always cause me trouble. So I don't want to get deeply involved. I'll wait until both of us are ready for marriage. That's all~

    bawang - nasib baik parents ko x bace blog aku...haha

    ReplyDelete
  6. bawang, kenduri aku aku buat time bulan puasa. :P

    ReplyDelete
  7. raihan - samer jer korang nie. kedekut!

    ainina - thanx!~

    ReplyDelete
  8. mana target2 post ko nih? tak reply2 pon...ahahha...

    ReplyDelete
  9. diorang blom bace lagi kot...haha

    ReplyDelete
  10. ryhaann,
    terbaheeeek!
    tapi jangan jemput aku waktu siang. jemput lewat malam ok. kasi aku melantak habis makanan rumah kau.
    hahahaha.

    zafree,
    nama pun evil twin.
    kau bertuah jumpa manusia jujur seperti kami.

    ReplyDelete
  11. [tetiba buat ruangan komen ni macam rumah sendiri]

    ReplyDelete
  12. nasib baik jugak aa aku xleh nak marah sebab kalau ko x wujud aku x start blog nie haha

    ReplyDelete
  13. sekali lg, mende2 yg kau pikir ni cam fotostat dr pale otak aku je.

    aku setuju dgn pendapat kau, di mana kalau kite dlm perhubungan yg serius, kite perlu fikir utk sampai ke perkahwinan, kalau tak kite dah buang masa dgn bwat sesuatu yg takde tujuan. bg aku pun, takde istilah "kapel sbb suka2" sbb tu bunyi cam nak mengelak dr kutukkan org ramai yg mengata diorang ni kapel sbb nafsu. kite ni muda mmg ade keinginan utk berkapel ramai2 utk "test" org lain2 tp cam biase lah, tak sume org bleh ade komitmen. yg berkaitan dgn pasangan tu dgn org lain tu, kalau dah ade berpunya tu, berpada2 la kan. dah awak tu org punye, walaupun blom kawen, tp nape nak gune sume peluang yg ade utk melonggarkan perhubungan diorang tu kan? perhatian tu jugak penting dlm perhubungan. cume ia perlu in moderation dan perlu lebihkan perhatian pd pasangan banding dgn kawan, kalau tak baik tayah kapel. serupa status je kapel tp perangai tak ubah.

    aku pun blur2 gak dgn pendapat aku sendiri. but hope you get the main point. props for another intellectual posting.

    ReplyDelete
  14. Hm I'll try to arrange your idea in my own sentence so that I'm not plagiarizing :p

    Ok, I decided that I'll edit this post so that I can post a more clear idea since I want to put some graphs. It'll take time though

    ReplyDelete
  15. aku bru bc. ko nak tuju kat aku ke zaf? =P
    aku sokong rayza pnye comment, sbb aku kind of rase cmtu jgk.
    basically ape kau ckp tu btl but it depends on byk benda (but i do agree part yg ko tnye psl abandoning friends tu)

    ReplyDelete
  16. aku bru bc. ko nak tuju kat aku ke zaf? =P
    aku sokong rayza pnye comment, sbb aku kind of rase cmtu jgk.
    basically ape kau ckp tu btl but it depends on byk benda (but i do agree part yg ko tnye psl abandoning friends tu)

    ReplyDelete
  17. to reply to what Rayza said, I'll give my opinion here. I'm too lazy to edit things anyway ;)

    Well, since we are not married, we can't be too close, but that doesn't mean we can go with everyone like nothing happened. In Islam we are thought to control our interaction between boys and girls, so there's nothing contradict~

    For Bella, yes, I write this post with you in my mind (thinking about what you asked and argued, nothing beyond that)~
    Well if you got time that might as well you explain what are the things that are depended on :)

    ReplyDelete
  18. How many times you see someone turns to a friend after they had a problem or just recently break up? In fact they never seem to seek for your help when they are happy together

    in my honest opinion, i dont really care if my friend forget me during the happy times and seek me when all start to break into pieces...i'm happy with both ways that - proof that i am still a friend to him/her...

    ReplyDelete
  19. yeah you got a point.

    from the friend's perspective, we shouldn't let things like this bother our friendship (true friends always put others in priority, right?)

    but the lover should not be forgetting their friends. That's what I'm saying~

    ReplyDelete

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