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I Had A Thought Of Running Away, But The Only Thing I Can Do Is Keep On Moving Forward

The same emotional stuff

1. Today, I just received my result for Act Sci 303 midterm exam. Alhamdulillah, I got 84/90. I haven't asked my friends' result, but I know most of us like to keep our own scores to ourselves, so I respect that.

2. I know, a lot of people never see me actually studied for the midterm (or all exams). I know, whenever they see me, the first thing come to their mind is me playing games. Myself and study are like an antonym. Some people will question me like "How come you can get a good result while you never studied? Compared to me, I had been working my ass off bla bla bla". I don't really mind though.

3. But the way they said it is like it was wrong for me to get high marks in the first place. I didn't deserve the score. I should be getting lower. So you are saying that it is my fault to get high marks when I am not studying?

4. I know, I am the one who know myself better. I know how hard I should be studying. I know when I know something, and I know when I don't. I know, I am not studying as hard as you guys, so I don't really know the taste of getting a good result when you work really hard on it. You guys should be thankful that you have the chance to experience that, while I should be thankful that I can get good result with minimal effort.

5. I am jealous with everyone. When they all have problems, it is mostly about their studies. Meaning? They really focused on their studies. But me? All my problems are mostly not about my studies. My problem, is myself. But I just don't know specifically what is wrong with me. Before I knew it, everyone around me already keeping their distance from me.

6. It's not like I want to be like this. I just don't know what the hell is wrong with me. I just don't know! But all of you want me to discover it myself. Yes, I am immature and childish compared to all of you. I just want to go home. I just want to run away. I am just embarrassed to face all of you. I wish I can arrive to a place where there is no one.

7. But I know, I can't do that. I need to face myself. Keep going forward is the only thing I can do right now. I don't know if I will ever change or not, and I am not promising myself to change. As someone said to me, just keep studying. Maybe one day I will truly discover myself.

Yeah, that's all of the things that I want to talk about right now. I'm sure I have other things to talk about tomorrow. Thanks for reading all this, while you should be doing something else. You don't have to digest, comment or even remember all of this. Increasing my blog view count is good enough. Haha

Comments

  1. dear friend,

    you know how lucky you are right now. you're gifted, as you have a brilliant brain. so, don't ever take it for granted like you did before. despite your capabilities in your studies, you should always put studies as your main priority. you're in the states and you should be grateful for that. second chance only comes once. so good luck. i hope you'll graduate in US. remember all your previous promises and how grateful you were to be granted such opportunity.

    secondly, i don't get it what your problems are. you are 21 years old this year. stop getting depress and enjoy your life. if you are depress, seek guidance from Allah. remember that for Him we live our life. don't cry in front of your friends but cry in front of Allah! He loves you that's why he's giving you such problems for you to seek Him, not for you to seek humans.

    thirdly, i hope you could solve all your problems in a correct manner. you're 21 so i hope you could face problems like a 21-year-old guy does, not that i am matured enough to ambush you. i mean, we can be immature sometimes but sometimes, we just have to act like our age. then, we'll be able to grow up.

    last but not least, get yourself busy! explore the world around you. spread your wings and don't just play games. there are many things to learn out there so you'll know the real life and from that, you'll be able to face and learn about life in a good manner. so, EXPLORE THE WORLD AROUND YOU!!!

    ps: sometimes i have the feeling that you are the one who seek the problems yourself. so please be optimistic! stop being pessimistic and start learning how to deal with problems. if not, you'll never grow up and how are you gonna lead your future wife and kids?

    sincerely,
    a friend

    ReplyDelete
  2. Dear friend,

    You have a brilliant mind. The first thing I think about when I thought of you is how incredible you are with numbers. And also how good you are with rhythm games. You are awkward from time to time though. Honest to a point which it defeats the purpose of being one.

    Sad to say is, this isn't the first time I read/heard you say things similar to this. You talk about how you want to change things and how you would approach towards doing so. As time proceeds, it stays like that, thoughts and ideas. You speak like a philosopher but act like none. You talk the talk but never walk the walk. You say another yet does some other. Up to a point where we all think you are just talking nonsense again. The same things are repeated to death. Why don't this time, instead of speaking about it, why not you do it instead? When action is due some credentials, it will be credited on its own without having to appeal for it.

    I still think the brilliant you is somewhere in there. Just let it out and don't let personal issues affect you as a person. You are a man. You'll be a leader of your own family someday. You have to start learning to act like one. We cared about you but your approach towards issues is really tarnishing your image among us all. Try to do something about it before everyone starts to despise you. We know you can do it. Someday.

    Sincerely,
    a pal

    ReplyDelete
  3. Don't even say that I am your friend when you don't even want to reveal yourselves.

    Just kidding. I know you guys have your own reasons. After all, it's not about who said it, it's about what is said.

    To be honest, I don't know what to reply. Or I am just AFRAID to reply anything. I know, I am not in a position to say anything. I am afraid to say anything. I am afraid that I will not be able to do anything again.

    I know, by saying this, I am implying myself to just do what I said, not just say it. But I know that I don't know if I will ever going to fulfill it. In short, I don't exactly know what to reply.

    But, I really appreciate your comments and your time to write your comments. Sincerely from the bottom of my heart, I thank you. Sorry if my comment here hurts you feelings or anything.

    ReplyDelete

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