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I Don't Know If I Will Ever Change, But I Know I Am Feeling Better Right Now

i) I know, I invited a lot of problems to myself. When I think about it, there are two kinds of problems that I have (or had)

1. The problems that are caused by my own actions - like problems with MARA, it is because I didn't study enough

2. The problems that came because I don't know how to solve problems stated at (1) - like bothering my friends, telling them about my problems

ii) Not all of my problems are solved by now, but at least I will try not to cause type-2 problems. Using my own power and His help, I will try to solve type-1 problems by myself first. The best thing to do is try not to make any mistakes that will lead to type-1 problems first. Hoho will I ever achieve that

iii) So right now, I know that I am alright. I don't think I have any reasons to get all emotional again. My parents and my friends have already told me a lot of things, never revealed to me before. There is no better time to change except starting for now. Of course, I never know if I will ever improve myself or not. But doing it slowly and naturally may be the best way I can follow right now.

iv) I will try to strengthen my heart from now on. Will not be overly emotional or for too long. Everyone can be sad, and even cry, but it shouldn't be too long.

v) Right now, I am still afraid if I will never change or improve. Even promising to myself is scary too. Aaaaww, I just don't want to think about all this for a while. I got too much input from everyone in this two weeks, so I need my time to think about it one by one. Truthfully, I don't remember everything that everyone told me, not all at once, at least. Give me some time to do it slowly. At least there are a few things that I had done since last week.

vi) Anyway, I did feel a lot better right now. I try to appreciate things more, and not to take things for granted. I really need to constantly remind myself, as I always forgot all this. Remind, remind, and keep reminding.

vii) I know you will not be reading this. I don't have any thoughts of giving up. But it doesn't mean that I can't treat you and act just like a friend would do~

viii) Will I ever change? I need to find these answer by myself.


  1. Memikat ada strateginya.
    Yang lelaki mesti ada strategi memikat dan yang perempuan pula ada strategi buat orang terpikat.
    Memang, jodoh sudah ditentukan, tapi kita harus berusaha mencari jodoh yang baik.
    Doa agar Allah memudahkan usaha kita.'Kalau ini jodohku Ya Allah, engkau mudahkanlah perhubungan ini'
    Mungkin ada sebab yang menyebabkan 'dia' lari dari 'hubungan' ini. Cuba muhasabah diri. Mungkin kah dia merasakan Zafree tak bersikap cukup bertanggungjawab?
    Kalau masa belajar ni pun tak boleh memikul tanggungjawab sebagai seorang pelajar, lebih lebih lagi pelajar yang ditanggung sepenuhnya oleh kerajaan, tapi masih lagi miss class, main games dan tak belajar..., macammana agaknya kalau dah beristeri dan punya anak?
    Buktikan padanya yang Zafree juga punya rasa tanggungjawab. Mula dengan tempat tinggal Zafree sekarang ni. Cuba bayangkan ianya sebagai pusat persediaan dan pembelajaran sebelum berumahtangga. Bagaimana kita menangani tanggungjawab sebagai room mates? Ada kah kita sama sama membantu dalam urusan rumah? Memasak ,mengemas,urusan bil dan lain lain hal yang bersangkut paut dengan hal rumah.
    Kalau dah rasa 'dia' ini yang terpikat di hati Zafree dan tak ada perempuan lain dah di hati tu, maka 'it's worth a try...'
    Kalau 'dia' sendiri nampak perubahan di diri Zafree, mungkin lembut hati dia. Bukan senang nak jumpa orang yang benar benar sayangkan kita.
    Ingat harijadi dia,hantar bunga,kad ucapan atau hadiah. Kalau dia nampak macam Zafree bersungguh sungguh, mungkin hati dia berubah. Ini mungkin mengambil masa, tapi jangan putus asa, terus mencuba. InsyaAllah, niat yang baik, balasan pun baik....

  2. *speechless*

    serius speechless. huhu.

    tapi betul jugak, zafree tak pernah pun fikir pasal "tanggungjawab".

    zafree pun tak janji yang zafree boleh start fikir pasal tanggungjawab dari sekarang, tapi insyaAllah boleh cuba sikit2.

    zafree tau dulu zafree ada miss class, tapi sekarang nie memang bersungguh2 tak miss kelas dah. minggu lepas ada la miss sekali sebab terlebih tidur :( insyaAllah takde lagi dah kesilapan sama. study pun sama, zafree dah cuba settlekan homework awal2, belajar dengan better...etc etc

    owh tak pernah pulak terfikir pasal mula dengan tempat tinggal...ok! insyaAllah boleh mula dari sekarang :)

    zafree tak mampu pun nak ucap terima kasih, tapi zafree cuba untuk sampaikan penghargaan zafree dengan cuba untuk mula jadi bertanggungjawab insyaAllah. zafree tak tipu, memang zafree takut sangat kalau zafree tak dapat nak berubah.

    apa2 pun, zafree akan cuba sikit demi sikit :)


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