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I Am Not Going Back To United States

Just after the day I arrived, I got caught up in an accident. Now, just another week before going back to USA, I received a bad news. MARA told me that they had terminated my sponsorship. Yes, this is not a hoax. I received the letter two days ago, and now I decided to give a full story to you readers.

I am not writing this to make a shame of myself. In fact I am still sad by this, but it had to be done. I don't want you guys to repeat my mistakes.

Okay, so my sponsorship had been terminated. What happened? My CGPA. This is something that most students wondering about, do MARA look at our GPA or CGPA in the agreement? Everyone knows we can't get above 2.00 two times, but is it really GPA, or CGPA? Miss Adlina told me earlier today that MARA are looking at our CGPA. (I don't really mind talking about my results, but not here) Plus, summer semester doesn't really matter to them, so please keep that in mind.

You don't have to tell me, I know what are the reasons why my result was bad. First, it's all about motivation. I don't really have the motivation to study there. I know, with all the responsibilities and expectation from my parents and sponsor, I need to get the job well done. But I don't think I am too interested with actuarial science. That's why I didn't really did well. But the most important reason is my laziness. I shouldn't be so damn lazy even though I am doing something that I don't really know what it will make me become. But I did became lazy and unmotivated. During all my life, my path had been set up for me, and that's why it's easy for me to score until my time at high school. I should realized that from the moment I set my feet in Madison, or even before that, that my path in Madison should be created by myself. But my past successes had blinded me for good, and now I have to pay (also literally) for the consequences.

My addiction to video games are to blame too. I don't blame the games, but I blame myself for not controlling myself. But it's not playing games that hindered me from studying, it's because I don't want to study that I play games. Nevertheless, I pledge to myself that I will decrease my time playing games little by little, and give a lot of spaces for myself to study and do other stuff. Burn fat, maybe?

Now that I won't be studying in US anymore, I planned to continue my studying in Degree of Mathematics in UiTM. Hopefully I will have better chances with subjects that I like. Of course, my determinations are important too. For the time being, I will be working at a company my sister is currently working, and I will be working for six weeks, entering data and stuff starting next week.

This incident not only hit me hard in the head, it's more like throwing me into a bottomless pits where I can do nothing but cry alone. Thankfully, my family are very supportive, and I will never ever again abuse their kindness. I'll make sure that I will make them happy and lead a happy life. I had been a jerk for not listening to them, and this is what I get.

I personally regret of what I did. I know I can do better, it's just that I didn't want to. I disappoint everyone around me. I met my INTEC lecturer today, and she said she didn't expected me to be the one who got expelled my MARA, among all people. I hope this situation will make me more mature and aware of all my responsibilities and burdens that I carry. I promise I won't grow up being a useless adult one day. I will never go against my parents anymore.

To all my friends out there, especially who are going to US (or just arrived), don't ever let you and your friends return to Malaysia like this. You guys have a bright future waiting in front of you (not that I don't!), so don't waste it (like I did). I know, I don't really have connection with all of you, but at least you can take lesson from my consequences here. I don't want you guys to have the same fate as I am currently in.

I know He has another plan for me, so I am positive that my path will not end here. He know what is right or wrong for me :)

To my friends in Madison, I am sorry that we can't have a proper goodbye. I know you guys won't miss me that much, but I'll miss you guys a lot. Damn lot. I will never be there for every birthday party you throw. I will never be there when you guys celebrate Eid. I will never see you guys laughing out loud like crazy again. I will never play volleyball at Midwest Games again.

I will never see Irshaad's cute face (and stomach)
I will never hear Khairi's inability to pronounce 'r'
I will never hear stupid jokes of Nazwan
I will never see Shasha watching WWE
I will never play volleyball with Naqib and Adam
I will never hear Ili's and Arif's voices singing Britney's songs
I will never see Aziz going to gym
Will never see Syazwi and Zainal rocking out
I will never hear Raja talking about tech stuff
Even Muyak's "What the?" face
Hearing Coco's and Nani's loud voice
Naimah and Farah gaduh ntah apa2
Yatie making jokes but she laugh first
Sarah marah macam mak orang
Never gonna see Aqilah makes sarcasm quotes
Afiqah, Bella and Yasmin cheerful-ness
Never will make fun of Leynn

And that only includes some of you.

My hopes are, you guys will graduate with flying colors with no problems. Enjoy the life there and don't ngumpat-ngumpat (I know I did a lot :p). Listen to your parents and don't ever make them sad or disappointed. I don't need to tell you guys to study hard since I know you guys are better than me :) It's enough for me to be send back to Malaysia, and please don't make the count increases.

I will miss you all, and hopefully our path will cross again someday. This summer is the last time I met most of you, and I'll meet you again on the next summer. I really wish I can see you guys one last time.


*sentences in bold are added after I had published this post


  1. hey zafree,
    don't feel bad. we're gonna miss you too. we'll pray for your success. insyaAllah, with fate, we'll definitely meet again. :) take care and zafree, i wanna see you as a well-established person in future okay? tauu! you sure can do it! good luck. thanks for helping me all this while my friend. take care.


  2. hey for real?

    u know yourself better zafree!:)

  3. salam,

    zaff, sumpah aku tekejut dowh. takpelah, learn from mistakes. mungkin Tuhan ade perancangan lain..kuatkan smangat zhaff...Aku doakan yang terbaik untuk ko..

  4. zaf!

    sory to hear d news..ape2 pn, Allah lbey mngetahui apa yg tbaek tuk hmbaNya..byk2 bsaba k..stiap yg blaku pasti ade hikmah d sbalik nye..insyaAllah ko akn jd org yg lbey bjaye pas ni..niway, ko mmg mnat n maths genius pn, all d best!!


    -dya east-

  5. aku sibuk sangat ngan facebook sampai lupa lak pasal blog nie hehe

    thanks coco. nanti bila kita ada peluang untuk jumpa lagi, aku make sure time aku leh bangga ngan result aku. ko pun sama, good luck kat sana dan semoga dapat grad dgn cemerlang. good luck jugak pursuing your dream in business :)

    fara! yup, and I'll use this incident as a chance to know myself better. your simple words moved me that much. thanks!

    thanks hosni. aku sendiri agak terkejut bila dapat email dari MARA. aku pun doakan ko supaya ko dapat belajar dengan tenang dan takde masalah besar akan timbul. semoga ko pun dapat tamatkan pengajian dengan berjaya :)

    thanks dayah. it's such a shame that we can't meet there at UW. hopefully ko lead a good life there and study baik2. keep in touch :)

  6. It is good that you admit your mistakes and remind others not to do the same.

    As for you, Allah knows best. Don't ever give up on the mercy of Allah. May Allah bless you.

    Hayqal Suhairi

  7. He-yo!

    Sorry for what's happening to u.

    It's definitely true about what you have said about not having interest in the course you're studying and choose what's best for our ownself.

    Better late than never to change you know.

    All the best in Malaysia. Malaysia is not so bad-lah!


    p/s: boleh la aku pinjam game ps3 kau. ;p

  8. so...memang real.
    sorry tak call kau malam tadi. aku mengantuk dan sakit perut.
    i'll catch you soon.

  9. Salam Zafree,

    Been your silent reader over the years, from your Intec days till date.
    I am so sorry to hear the news.Been praying that perhaps your appeal will be accepted by your sponsor and you would continue your studies in States..
    If that does not happen, remember, this is not the end of the world. I am sure learning from your mistakes you could excel in your future undertakings.Who knows you would one day be the best graduate in Mathematics in UiTM and who knows again be offered scholarship to further studies in US.
    Allah yang tahu sesuatu yang terbaik bagi kita. Mungkin sesuatu yang kita nak sangat, tapi hanya Allah yang tahu yang lebih baik untuk kita. Untuk ini kita perlu reda. Perjalanan dan rezeki hidup kita dah ditentukan Tuhan. Untuk apa dan kenapa hanya Dia yang mengetahui.
    You are so lucky to have parents that support you for they must have love you so much. And this time around Zafree, repay them with success, which I think you can , and you will...
    Take good care of yourself, study hard and may success be always with you.

  10. salam
    didn't really think that u'd be expelled by mara. :(

    anyways good post as a reminder to those who are about to fly. especially me. sumpah aku kecut prot nak fly. haha.

    sorry for what happen man.

    insyaAllah there will be a better route for you. sesungguhnya Allah maha Penyayang. :)

  11. woah... i'm sorry for you

    dont give up man..
    keep going forward and hope you will become a better person in the future

  12. sorry for u param @_@
    yea, be strong n we all believe that rezeki ada di mana mana, so dont u ever give up and tired with all these study things.

    n tq sbb share benda ni. a good reminder for all of us

    zahid bangi

  13. You guys gave a lot of comment before I can reply! Anyway, I really appreciate your concern and words for me. I am determined to change myself from now on. I promise to be strong and not let my disappointment elude myself for that long.

    hayqal, wan and zahid - I really hope my friends won't repeat the same mistake as I did. I don't really mind if you want to pass this message to others too. I'll be glad if it can help even one person out there.

    farahin - ok just call me anytime (when I'm free and available)

    mok - I know it's not too late for me, as long as I start now and not wait any longer :)

    my silent reader - I won't disappoint my parents and those around me anymore. Allah give me this another chance and I don't think of wasting it.

    arif - thank you. I hope when the next time we all meet each other, it's the moment when we already achieved our success

  14. hey Zafree!

    All those comments above represent what I was going to say already.

    We've talked aite? So, u know i'm free, n lets have a blast for ourselves!

    You know what you want and that's the best thing to do man!

    Never ever give up, it was really good to hear from you, sounds good, u know u'll do far better things later in the near future!

  15. hye zaff! maybe i'm not that really close to u..but i'm still ur friends rite? :)

    plese remember the sentence u write on ur own :

    I know He has another plan for me, so I am positive that my path will not end here. He know what is right or wrong for me :)

    so, do believe Him! :)
    dun give up okay..maybe a better life coming ahead for u my friend!

  16. salam.

    Be strong k!
    Setiap incident ada hikmah dan pengajaran.

    لا يكلف الله نفسا إلا وسعها
    Allah tidak memberi kesusahan seseorang hamba melainkan apa yang terdaya olehnya. [Al-Baqarah: 233]

    Be well. :)

  17. hello there,
    i know i don't know you, but i know how you feel. i got rejected by jpa in the past, i was down, but i was determined. now i'm in the US, about to start a new life here, and yes, under jpa.

    you got that right. He's got other plans for you. maybe better. don't let them go to waste. insyaAllah, you'll be successful.

    btw, thanks for this blog post. this serves as a reminder.

    i'm a sloth too. pemalas.

    but insyaAllah , i'll change ;)

    lets pray and strive, hopefully we'll survive! haha that rhymes.

    Miss A.

  18. sory to hear the news kawan.
    sumpah.mase 1st aqil gtau ak ko kene expelled, i was like "woh..wth lawak yg ko wat ni aqil?"

    i didnt expect it at all ...

    for sure,what u have been through is a lesson for all of us..

    ak akn jdkn pedoman,so dat i will do my best in uk...
    anyway,dont be sad...

    listen to this."live the life you love and love the life you live"

  19. achno - ok nanti bila free kita kuar jalan jom!

    wani - yup we still friends! yeah I'll remember my own words :D

    fauzan - thanks! you too, be well there, jangan nakal2!

    miss A - we don't know each other for sure, but let's strive for our future! that rhymes too XD kita sama2 jangan malas~

    solid - haha aku pun harap semua nie just satu gurauan. takpe yg penting jgn kita still go on! thanks~

  20. Bro! aku baru tau dow..
    sory to hear. hope ko dah ok skarang...
    if u need any help, just cntact me.i'Allah aku boleh...


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