Today marks the 20 years that I had spent living in this world :) Praise be to Allah for the long live that He gave me. 20 years is reeeaaally long if you think about it, but it passes very quick. Also, I received a lot of birthday wishes at my facebook profile (Thanks guys!) and these wishes include "happy being old!", "may you be a great gamer!", "stop being a gamer!", "have a blast!", "be more mature!", etc etc. I had my attention on the last one on being more mature. I'll return to matter later :)
Birthday is always associated with...presents! Of course, I had many wishes on what I would like to have as my present~(I'll put my wishlist) But as we grow older, we need to accept that the present that we seek may not be as visible as we thought, or maybe it is already right there all the time. Present doesn't mean something new, it can be an old thing that are still there for us. Like, I still have all my gadgets working perfectly right now :) And it may not be things either. Take time to thing about that :D Yesterday, after I finished my prayer, I thought something like "If I can ask presents from my family, friends, or simply another human, doesn't that mean I can ask a present from Allah too?" Well, it is kinda unintentional thought and it came suddenly, like very quick. Then I asked myself "Hasn't Allah had been giving me presents all the time from the moment I was born?" Then the greatest present that I can have for myself is being appreciative (syukur) to everything that what had been given to me~~ I remember a saying : "Getting what you want is success, wanting what you get is happiness" :)
My mom also offered to give me a present~I know I want it, but I just can't accept it. A son as bad as I am doesn't really deserve a present, I think. But, the greatest present that I have is the fact that I still have you as my mom. I never need a replacement for you. Even though I always get scolded, or whatever, you are still my mom. How can I get mad at you (though I was, really) for just a small reason? Just don't always limiting me what I can do or not~ The more you tell me that I can't do this, the more I want to do it. So..just let me decide for myself :) Whatever it is, I am proud to have you as my mom, and I never ever gonna forget the feeling of having you by my side. Even though I am rebellious compared to the other two, I still love you. The same goes for you dad. Though you rarely shows, I know you love me, and I do too.
Let's get back to the "be more mature". To be honest, I don't even know whether I am matured or not. At the very least, I am not pretending to me matured when I am not sure that I am matured~~ But I can feel that I am still far, far away from being matured. I still have a lot of improvement to make. If I am matured, then I wouldn't do what I did at the last post. At least that what I thought.
According to thefreedictionary.com, mature means "Of, relating to, or characteristic of full development, either mental or physical". Let's talk more on "mentally" side. It's hard to decide whether a person is totally matured or not. In my opinion, there is no real boundary of being matured. It is what we decided by heart whether we are matured or not. I guess maturity is somewhat related to our own consciousness of our own act. It is not totally dependent on consciousness, but it has its relations. Like in my own experiences during primary school and earlier high school, I never did things out of my own willingness. Most of the time, I followed what others did or asked me to do, and I never even questioned them. Compared to now, when others say "don't", I will ask "why?". In other case, I used to be a very shy person and to the extent that I can't talk to girls. I always afraid of getting in front and give a talk. But during the late high school time, I given myself chances to be more open and be more assertive~ What I can conclude is that I am more mature than myself - like 3 years ago - but I don't if I am right is matured enough. But it is alright, since I don't see any need to rush to be mature. I know I'll be more mature as I moving on forward toward life and accepting myself as it is :)
To YOU if you are reading this, I just hope that you try to accept you as yourself. Don't try to deny that you are actually not matured than you think you are. What's the point of acting like a matured person, but in the same time you are destroying your life and others around you, especially HER. You have a great way of thinking, but don't think too much in a wrong way.
I don't know why I always take time to criticize others. *sigh*. My opinion only though, don't let it bother you
Owh, the wishlist! Here it is~
- PSP Go ($249)
- Rock Band 2 Bundle ($139)
- Xbox 360 ($299)
- All the games I listed on the right side of the blog (at most $59.99 each, $29.99 lowest)
Especially Final Fantasy XIII!
- Two more controllers for PS3 ( $110)
- Canon Digital Rebel XSi ($649)
(I am not really into this, but it is nice if I can have it~)
I don't think I have any desire on other things as bad as on games. Also, I don't really like having a really over-the-top kind of phones. Owh, and I'm not really asking for all these. I just feel that it is great for me to have all this~ Yeah, keep on dreaming. Back to reality.