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Looking At Old Photos, and Memories

I was looking for this one particular photo on my Facebook profile to match my just-changed cover photo. Suddenly, it turned into a trip down to the memory lane.

My Facebook account was created back in 2009, when I was still in INTEC. My life is INTEC is the mark for the beginning of understanding myself and the world deeper. After five years trapped in a boarding school, I get to see things in a broader view. Things regarding races, relationships, commitment, and future career. Mix all of this together, and it totally blew my mind. Then, I decided to not see things as it is, and still live in my old mindset and experiences.

I was too laid back. When things are not going my way, I quickly blame it on the system. I never did confess, or even realize, that it was totally my own fault. It took me two downfalls and four years to realize what I really am (Well, not really, but at least now I think about it a lot more). I didn't really care about my pointers or studies. I really thought that I can score even if I didn't study much. I thought that I am some kind of 'genius'. I was not, and am not too. The reason I always got good results because I also worked hard for it. I guess I tend to forget all the struggles after I got the results.

That is one thing.

Also in INTEC, I got very close to many of my friends. Too close, perhaps, that we start to talk about each other in the back. We got close because we always do some activities together. Bowling, watch movies, visiting places, driving in cars together... There were a lot of memories made. But after we went to our respective universities in the States, that is probably the start of the downfall. Maybe downfall is an exaggeration. Probably because we started to do our own things, and were to busy in maintaining our results, that we started to lose contact and didn't really have time to think about anything else.

But of course, there are still some bonds that are maintained until today. I appreciate for these bonds, and I thank you each one of you who are still keeping in touch with me.

Looking at these photos, I feel like crying. You probably don't want to look at your old photos at a random time. I wish I can tell this to certain someone but right now almost everybody is sleeping. So I'll just wait until morning comes out. Right now, I still don't know if I am in the right track of my life. What if, there is actually a better route out there left for me to search for it? The thoughts are scaring me, but I know, there's not really much else to do. I'll just keep on walking forward.

Did I changed much? Am I better now, compared to me back then? Will these memories and experience be useful in the future?

As a Muslim, we have Allah. I worked hard for my studies here in UKM, I need to say my prayer to Him more often too. InsyaAllah.


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