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Anxiety

By the time I finished this post, there will less than 96 hours before the results for our exam is out.

Me in the US never cared about results. Back then, I was like "owh result does not really shows who you really are so why work so hard". Thinking back, it was just something I said to make myself feel less terrible. There are many more excuses that I gave, such as "why force us to take something that are not realted to our major?" "students should be more focused with their specialty"and such. All this excuses. I wish I never said all that.

It was all just some excuses to divert myself from thinking too much about my own future, to cover up my laziness, my indecisiveness. My will to study died somewhere in 2011-2012, once. Seeing the results came up every semester didn't invoke much feeling from me. Most of the time I was just feeling indifferent.

My results will be coming out in just a few days. Contrary to my past, I'm actually feeling anxious waiting for it. Even the last semester was not like this. In one of my older post, I said that the first semester is very important in order for me to "prove" that I can still do achieve good results. But now.. it is a bit different.

I'm not sure whether I'm scared or I'm excited. Probably both. I think I can get a good result, but there's this "what if" scenarios keep playing in my head. I'm afraid that I won't get good results. I don't want to relive my past anymore.

Maybe I'm being too paranoid. Let's just wait. It won't matter if I'm excited or not, as the result is already determined, just waiting to be released so students may see theirs.

Here I am praying for the best for each one of us.

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