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Get Back Up

A few things happened to me around this one month before the exams. The three main things are my inability to sleep at night, my always hurting stomach, and my broken heart.

"Maybe because you sleep at evening?"
No, I don't think that's the case here. There are times where I slept directly after Isha' but it's not that frequent. But I think it's alright as long as I don't miss my prayers (especially Subo) and don't miss my classes. Maybe, just maybe, as a last result, I will start to take sleeping pills only for this week, so that I can sleep well, preparing for my exams.

"Did you eat something funny?"
No, and I'm sure of it. I only eat what my housemates eat, and sometimes eat at restaurant with my friends too. I didn't eat a lot too. Maybe it was due to my wrong timing of eating. Since a lot had happened, I lost my appetite to eat. Sometimes I eat only once a day, sometimes I didn't at all. It's not like I don't want to, I just don't feel like eating. Most of the time, I didn't even realize that I didn't eat anything at all. Yesterday, my stomach hurt so bad, and I'm not exactly sure why. Praise be to Allah that I prepared some antacid for myself, and my stomach is better now. As one of my friends said, I need to take care of my health more =)

"What's the point of a man to cry over a girl?"
I know, but I have a different way of looking at this. To me, I cried because I love her so much, and I regretted of what I did and didn't. I mean a lot. That's why I can't help but feeling totally sad. But I know, this event might be a chance for me to look back at the past and see what I did wrong, so that in the future, I can be a better man, lover, and maybe husband. I promised to myself a lot lately, and I hope that I can fulfill them, now and forever. I don't want anybody to feel sad because of me, ever again. I will become stronger, to go back up from this sadness, and turn it into my strength. To be a better person for you.

"I believe things happen for a reason"
Yes, and I believe it too. I know, all of the things that I mentioned above are my own fault. No one should be blamed other than me. This is maybe Allah's another way of showing me the path to become a stronger and better me. I'll keep on being positive to Him, as I keep on hanging my faith to Him. In the same time, I am hoping that things can be like the way there were before, if I can be get another chance. But if Allah has another plan for me, then I'll be willing to accept it, even though I know it will be hard for me to do it.

I think it's finally time for me to forgive myself.


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