It's a Wonderful Life

Result is coming out in around 24 hours. Tomorrow, I will be in Kluang, so I can only check my result through SMS. Well, UKM SMPWEB will most probably has high traffic by tomorrow anyway since everyone will be eagerly waiting in front of their laptop until the clock shows 00:00 or 12:00 AM. And also eagerly waiting to click on that "Masuk" button. Unlike last semester, the anxiety is strong in me this time. The reasons? - Afraid that I won't be able to continue my study - Afraid that my scholarship will be terminated again - I don't want to feel hopeless again - I don't want to make my family disappointed again - I still want to feel the joy of being able to study and take exams ...and many more. My feelings are everywhere right now. "Lek sudah", said him . Yeah.. I should just chill out. Whatever the result will be, I am still me. If it's good, make sure to keep it up, maintain, and improve. If it turned out not good, just make sur...

(This post is not for each one of my classmates. But if you think I am talking about you, then.. what can I say? I just hope this will help even a bit) During my whole first year in UKM, I have a bit of advantages (a lot actually) in study since I have taken most of the subjects back in the States (especially the Math subjects, but the highest that I ever got was AB, and most are below B). I perceive this as a responsibility for me to help those who need extra helps in understanding the syllabus, so I offered my help and invited my classmates to do study group from time to time. To most of my friends, I either teach too fast, too simple, or too advanced. Of course, I didn't mean to make it hard for everyone to understand. Quite the opposite actually: I want everyone to understand it in a simpler form since I feel that everyone just think about it too hard, and that makes it more difficult to understand. Why complicate things when it is actually simpler than we thought it is? ...

Almost exactly a month ago, a page with the name of UKM Confessions was created on Facebook. It is a page where people (for but not limited to UKM students) can write down anything they want and the page will post it anonymously. The confessions page is not limited to UKM, as there are a lot of other universities doing it too. But since I am studying in UKM, this page relates to me a lot. It was fun reading the confessions during its earlier days. Now? Not really. There are many problems with the page, and reading it now is more vomit-inducing and IQ-degrading. You can try to visit it here . Let me know what do you think of it. The admins of the page didn't filter most of the confessions before this, but now I can see some confessors complained that their confessions aren't being published. I don't know what is the criteria of a rejected confessions, but I know it's not helping that much. I like to leave comments on some confessions, and I even confessed a few tim...

By the time I finished this post, there will less than 96 hours before the results for our exam is out. Me in the US never cared about results. Back then, I was like "owh result does not really shows who you really are so why work so hard". Thinking back, it was just something I said to make myself feel less terrible. There are many more excuses that I gave, such as "why force us to take something that are not realted to our major?" "students should be more focused with their specialty"and such. All this excuses. I wish I never said all that. It was all just some excuses to divert myself from thinking too much about my own future, to cover up my laziness, my indecisiveness. My will to study died somewhere in 2011-2012, once. Seeing the results came up every semester didn't invoke much feeling from me. Most of the time I was just feeling indifferent. My results will be coming out in just a few days. Contrary to my past, I'm actually feeling an...

I was looking for this one particular photo on my Facebook profile to match my just-changed cover photo. Suddenly, it turned into a trip down to the memory lane. My Facebook account was created back in 2009, when I was still in INTEC. My life is INTEC is the mark for the beginning of understanding myself and the world deeper. After five years trapped in a boarding school, I get to see things in a broader view. Things regarding races, relationships, commitment, and future career. Mix all of this together, and it totally blew my mind. Then, I decided to not see things as it is, and still live in my old mindset and experiences. I was too laid back. When things are not going my way, I quickly blame it on the system. I never did confess, or even realize, that it was totally my own fault. It took me two downfalls and four years to realize what I really am (Well, not really, but at least now I think about it a lot more). I didn't really care about my pointers or studies. I really though...