I want to admit on how much I rely on others to make me happy.
The easiest example would be during my study. It is really hard for me to just study for my own sake. All this time, for all the good results that I got, the credits go to all of my friends who asked for my help to teach them (special mention goes to Yan for always believing that I can help with her studies throughout degree).
Back in the States, I was always alone, especially when it involves my studies. Long story short, my results were as bad as they could be. Not being able to study with others demotivated me. Then, during my first Masters studies (full research), I was living in solidarity. Hence the reason why I cannot finish my study.
Right now, I am happy with the fact that I have more friends to study with, but I don't want to simply depend on others. When others seek for my help, I was the one who actually received the help. It empowers me to help others, which is a good thing, but it is bad when I always depended on others reliance on me.
I don't want to stay this way forever. I want to be emotionally stronger. I want to be more emotionally independent. What's the use of having a great mind but poor emotional management?
I am aware of my emotional dependency. I am aware of how easy it is for me to be anxious. When the anxiety kicks in, all the bad thoughts will be flooding inside my head, and it can be so addicting, so unyielding that breaking away from it takes so much efforts.
Please pray for my emotional well-being.
Added 25/5 11:45AM
Being emotionally dependent have something to do with fear. Perhaps fear of being alone, fear of being worthless, or perhaps fear of being unneeded, to name a few. I am okay with being alone, but not with being worthless.
I should love myself more, and appreciate what I already have.
The easiest example would be during my study. It is really hard for me to just study for my own sake. All this time, for all the good results that I got, the credits go to all of my friends who asked for my help to teach them (special mention goes to Yan for always believing that I can help with her studies throughout degree).
Back in the States, I was always alone, especially when it involves my studies. Long story short, my results were as bad as they could be. Not being able to study with others demotivated me. Then, during my first Masters studies (full research), I was living in solidarity. Hence the reason why I cannot finish my study.
Right now, I am happy with the fact that I have more friends to study with, but I don't want to simply depend on others. When others seek for my help, I was the one who actually received the help. It empowers me to help others, which is a good thing, but it is bad when I always depended on others reliance on me.
I don't want to stay this way forever. I want to be emotionally stronger. I want to be more emotionally independent. What's the use of having a great mind but poor emotional management?
I am aware of my emotional dependency. I am aware of how easy it is for me to be anxious. When the anxiety kicks in, all the bad thoughts will be flooding inside my head, and it can be so addicting, so unyielding that breaking away from it takes so much efforts.
Please pray for my emotional well-being.
Added 25/5 11:45AM
Being emotionally dependent have something to do with fear. Perhaps fear of being alone, fear of being worthless, or perhaps fear of being unneeded, to name a few. I am okay with being alone, but not with being worthless.
I should love myself more, and appreciate what I already have.
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