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Appreciation To Keep Moving

In the last two days, I wrote two Facebook statuses, that might be too direct. They showed how frustrated I am with some of the students around me. It has been some time since I last being direct like that. I dunno what triggered me to post that. Anyway, I've said what I feel, and I'm not regretting it. Kalau korang sentap, lagi bagus.

Perhaps I am too young, that I still demand attention and appreciation. While in the world of adults, most of the things that you do will go unnoticed. Most people won't appreciate what you do. But everyone will get mad if you don't do at least as expected. I need to prepare for that. I can't be weak, I can't just expect everyone will be appreciative and thankful. It's not like I've done anything significant either.

But sometimes, I do need to express what I feel. That's why I like blog. If people want to read it, they'll visit this blog. If not, they can just ignore. Simple as that.

I want to start with this one camp that I attended last week. Kem Pemantapan Akademik. It is a very casual camp, organized by our PPSM lecturers. The true goal of the camp was for lecturers to hear the problems from their students, and for the students to give valid complaints and also the suggested solutions.

I got to hear a lot of problems. I don't remember much, but undeniably, all of them are valid, no matter how ridiculous they sound. I could never came up with those problems, so it's good that everybody comes together to discuss about it. The lecturers are very attentive, and they did all they can in order to improve the PPSM, both from the students side and lecturers side.

For me, personally, I got a lot more from this camp. I got to know, how much everyone else appreciates what I have been doing since the first day I got into class. Like what I've said in one of the previous post, I tried to make this one small change in PPSM. I thought, nobody cared about what I did. Nobody ever think it as something even at least will change something.

At that camp, my name were mentioned a lot. I didn't know what to respond at that time, so I'm sorry if I looked or sounded arrogant :( But what you guys said made me happy. To know that everyone appreciate what I did made me touched. Especially the third years, since I didn't do anything to include them, but they still recognize my efforts.

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The lecturers were very supportive. Prof Zaidi said they will try to get a room or suitable platform to make it easier for me and other tutors to make a class for the weaker students.

Raes said this to me: "bila kitorang tau kau ada masalah hari tu, baru aku sedar yang kau pun ada masalah dan hal kau sendiri, dalam masa kau nak kena ajar kitorang. Aku sedar yang aku sendiri kena start belajar sendiri so that tak tambah beban kau"

Noorel asked this: "Kau tak rasa ke kau bebankan diri kau banyak sangat? Kau tolong budak batch kita, kau tolong junior lagi, pastu nak kena fikir pasal study kau lagi.."

Amilia: "Don't worry zap, all PPSMians appreciate you"

Nazihah: "aku serius, hargai sangat kewujudan hg kat sni. suka tlg org. jgn la sbb org kata hg ajaq xphm hg xmo dh ajaq... bkn slh hg depa xphm zafree. slh kami la.."

Azyan: "Alhamdulillah, berkat study dengan kau"

Faris and Pieka, has been with the longest in term of hearing me complaining. I owe them a lot. Too much.

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I be honest: Emotionally, I am at my lowest right now. That's why, every single thing, every single word of appreciation makes me happy. Perhaps it may mean nothing to others, perhaps you think that I'm being overly touching, but only I know my feelings right now.

That's why, I thank you. I cherish all of you, even if you never say anything. Even a little, all those words give me strength to move forward and keep continue doing what I believe in.

May I be stronger than the strongest I'll ever be. Zafree, don't be sad.

Comments

  1. zafree, I wish I could join such camp.
    funny it is - final assignment yang aku nak hantar ni, pasal designing a curriculum. so, parts of the assignment is I have to have information regarding students' preferences, demands, needs, and wants.
    bila dah dapat info tu, as a course coordinator/designer, we have to come up with improvement/solutions.
    aku baru je habis baca literature pasal needs analysis. kalau dulu, aku selalu nak salahkan cikgu ajaq tak betoi lah, tak ikot apa aku nak, syok sendiri ngajar kat depan sorang2. semua nya salah cikgu kalau aku tak skor.
    tapi, habis je baca literature tu, somehow I change my view. sekarang, aku bukan takat tengok dari perspektif seorang pelajar. tapi aku kena jugak tengok dari lensa seorang guru.
    well, from educator's point of view - bukan senang weyh nak cater everyone's learning preferences and needs. banyak benda nak kena pikir. banyak strategi nak kena susun. dalam erti kata lain, banyak kerja ghupanya jadik cikgu ni HAHAHAHA
    anyway, dari dulu lagi aku tengok, kau suka kalau bab2 ngajar ni. passion tu dah ada. bagus.
    cuma, aku nak suggest kau something so that you'll not only be a good teacher, but someone that can inspire others.
    it's best kau amek professional development course. something that teaches you about the art of teaching (pedagogy).
    so that kau boleh trial and error each teaching approach to students.

    bila dah masuk third year ni, most of my classes intertwine among each other. for example, kelas 207 (pasal teaori), kelas 302 (pasal praktikal), kelas 301 (pasal design curriculum), kelas 348 (pasal ngaja budak membaca SAHAJA). mahu tak berselirat kepala otak aku hahaha.
    tu cuma dalam kelas. kalau kat luar kelas, lain cerita pulak bila aku kena hadap budak2 sekolah. lagi tergeliat kepala otak aku hahaha

    tapi, aku tak macam kau weyh. aku sekadar jalankan tanggungjawab aku sebagai TESL student. sampai waktu pergi kelas, pergi. sampai waktu kena buat praktikum, buat. sampai waktu kena siapkan assignment, siapkan. aku tak nampak passion dalam diri aku in this education line - which I think it's such a waste. because our gov. hantar orang2 macam aku sampai ke new zealand - recruit kitorang dari basic level and polish kitorang sampai betul2 boleh berdiri sendiri. tiba masa, habis kontrak 5 tahun, orang2 macam aku ni tak kan stay lama dalam sektor pendidikan. that's why it's a waste.
    it's kinda dissappointing lah. I heard a few snippets about TESOL and that's the reality.

    so, point aku - education line needs you and of course, they will appreciate you so much. someday, I hope I can meet you in the next 10 years and when we get the chance to chat over coffees, a student of yours tiba2 tegur kau and I'll hear somewhere along the lines - "cikgu sihat?" surely, I'll be proud of you masa tu (tapi tak sampai bergenang air mata lah hahaha)

    ReplyDelete
    Replies
    1. Yeah it is never easy to cater everyone, or to make everyone realize their potentials. But that's the challenge and responsibility as an educator :D

      Anyway, I don't think I'm that good yet too be a teacher. But I want to help those who are talented and skillful to develop their self-confidence and soar high. That's my goal for now :)

      I don't think you'll waste the education slot. I'm sure there's something that only you can do too. I had that thought before, that I won't be able to change anything. But how do I know if I don't try? That's why I keep on trying.

      Haha that will be awesome, but I don't mind if my students forget me. It's normal everywhere ;)

      Delete

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