It's a Wonderful Life

On the first day of Tarawikh, I met my senior from UW-Madison who already graduated. We didn't had a chance to talk about anything since the prayer almost started, but I did make up a scenario of what we are going to talk. So the scenario that I imagined depressed me somehow. Accepting the fact that I need to go through three more years studying is a bit harder than I thought, especially thinking that some of friends already graduated, some already have a job, and most of my friends from INTEC are graduating next year. By that time, I will need two more years. This is something that I already prepared, but to go through it is harder than I thought. Anyway there's no reason to keep depressed, it won't change anything =) Probably I am over-thinking stuffs since I am not doing anything currently.

If there's one thing that will make me wish I could die right now, it would be my debts. With a friend, with my parents, and with MARA. I will write a will so that my life insurance (if there's any) will first be used to pay all that. I'll probably plan a suicide that will look like accident. It's hard to do it though with my current knowledge, but there are a lot of inspiration I can get from.

Edited July 8th 5:58 AM When we are bored, usually there are only two basic things you can do: find something to do or make a post/status/tweet about how bored you are. But again, these two are not mutually exclusive. You can say that you are bored, in the same time show that you are trying to get out of the boredom. Don't do it like "I'm boreeeed. What to do", probably we can try something like "If anyone is free today let me know! We can hangout or something". Usually there are a lot of our friends out there who also got nothing to do, so try to invite them. If they are not free at the moment, at least you know that you can invite them in the future. In my case, I prefer to go out instead of playing games all day long. I don't mind playing games, but at the end of the day I just want to be secluded and no one is allowed to talk to me. I will start ignoring others and want my own space. In my family, I'm the only one who play games, so there...

After a long travel back to Malaysia, I finally arrived at my house around 5:30 AM, July 3rd. Then on the same day, my mother and I drove to Universiti Kebangsaan Malaysia (UKM) to meet with a professor (who is also the Timbalan Dekan). Upon meeting him, he asked about what happened.  What surprised my mom is how nice he was (somehow living in the US made me expect everyone to be nice like that haha). He didn't ask too many questions, and he is being very simple and direct. Then he told us on the documents that I need to give him, and that's about it. He also said that the chances of me getting into UKM are okay, and he will help in any way possible. 

I am not proud that I am going back to Malaysia. Everyone else go back because they have achieved what they have to do here: to graduate. Me? I'm going back because I don't think I am capable of continuing. It was so hard to decide. Really, really hard. To go on with just one year left with a little hope of doing it, or turn back and change the path, but longer. There are no right or wrong, just choices.

After I decided to go back to Malaysia, I have been thinking a lot. Like, how my attitude should be: Sad? Be positive? Just concentrate on what is in front? Forget? Act normal like nothing happened? Be truthful to my families and friends? Just hide it? It is hard to find the sweet spot for what should I do. Too positive, then I might not have a feeling of regret. Too sad, and I won't be able to focus on my future.  I don't particularly care what others think of me, especially if they are wrong. But, if my families and friends have something to say, that is true about myself, then I'll try my best to listen. I have a very big ego, so taking it to the heart for the first time will be hard. Reminding myself constantly will be one of the way, and something that I rarely done before. I'm not afraid of what others talk behind me, because most of them are wrong and biased. But I kind of afraid with what people going to say in front of me, because when they are prepared to b...

With a lot of things to do before going back, I guess writing a few things about games wouldn't hurt. Nowadays it's hard to find games that have minimal gameplay but heavy-handed on the story. Games like Phoenix Wright, Professor Layton, Ghost Trick, and 9 Hours 9 Persons 9 Doors are hard to come by lately. The funny thing is that all these games are for Nintendo DS. People really can do amazing things within a limited space and option. In this case, it's the limitation on a hardware that is considered the weakest on its generation (compares to PSP, PS3, 360 and Wii). Games like this one are hard to come by lately. I like these games because I can dive into the world, and the feeling of anticipating on what happen next is thrilling. It's like reading a good novel, you can't wait to find out when your questions will be answered. Then you'll solve puzzles and riddles in order to move forward with the story. The memories are unforgettable. The only downsid...